I Miss My Big Fat Ass...........

Recently I took the initiative of  creating memory booklets for each of my daughters. While rummaging through boxes and photo albums I came across photos of me while I was pregnant. It solicited fond memories of how I truly adored being pregnant. It also spear headed an idea of shoving a pillow up and under my shirt today; and yes I walked around the house proudly displaying my "pillow" baby. I stood and stared at myself in the mirror but for some reason I just didn’t look good “pregnant.” I was missing the glow! The fertile myrtle glow…. And, I was missing my big fat ass!

I never complained about my size or my tiredness in fact, I never felt better than when I was pregnant. I was radiant! The bigger I got….. the more I waddled; the happier I was. To me the power of a pregnant woman is incredible. The sight of a woman barring a child is; simply put, breathtaking. Career of choice with out the responsibility of raising a child; would have been pregnancy! I would have loved to be pregnant for my entire life.

The energy that I possessed while pregnant could have been bottled and sold, like a powerful Chinese concoction to be used by the most powerful athletes in the world! (Dramatic I know but very true.) I felt like a super hero, a sex goddess!

I never noticed that I was actually fat.  Robust and sensual is what I saw.  Even though I was large ok….husky (cough over 200lbs cough) I never felt ashamed or embarrassed about my body. I loved my voluptuous breasts and believe it or not; my big ass. I even snapped Polaroid’s of me naked, which is just how much I loved my pregnant body. I was very sexual while pregnant; I wanted to have sex every day! (Ok, I can hear my daughters gagging) Confidence was the reason I felt sexual, I loved my body! Leave the lights on kind of confidence. wink  wink

The beauty of pregnancy is that you can be a B B W,(Big Beautiful Woman) others just smile and think you are adorable. I am compelled to feel all warm and fuzzy inside, at the sight of a tummy full of baby! I often find my self approaching pregnant women and telling them they are beautiful. The urge to reach out and touch a baby belly is there; but, that is just creepy; so I refrain.

At each of my deliveries I was excited to meet my new child, find out the sex, and see what the child looked like but, if I am being honest; with that came a small level of disappointment. The pregnancy was over! I felt like I lost my powers. Like Linda Carter walked into the delivery room right while the baby was crowning, and demanded her gold wristlets’ and lasso back.  I was just me again. 

So back to the business of getting pregnant! Yes, I know; with pregnancy comes children…. But for almost 900 days of my life I was satisfied with how I looked. I didn’t complain I was too fat, nor did I ask if my butt looked too big in my pants, I knew it did and that made me smile!

My Baby Bump aka "Ashley"

"Pillow Baby" 2010