What Will Your Obituary Say?

In 2007 during the last week of classes prior to exams I stood in front of 300 first year psychology students; (which for me was the last time that I have had the opportunity to speak to a large crowd.) The idea was to review the entire course in preparation for the final exam; my part was to review the endocrine system. As I stood there I knew that more than 200 of the students probably could care less about the review, but showed up because of incentive bonus marks for signing in. As I started to review the subject matter I decided to take advantage of the captive audience of young people and shared some thoughts about life. I acknowledged that unless they were going to pursue a career in psychology this would most likely be their last course in this subject area. Many agreed......so I ventured off topic and asked if anyone of them knew what they wanted to be when they finished their studies. Some raised their hands but most  were talking to their neighbour or were looking at the screens on their cell phones….

So I redirected my question to ask “WHO do you want to be?”. That became the lecture. For 2 hours I stood in front of 300 students and engaged with them about the importance of figuring out “who you will become” rather than “what you will become.” I asked them to think about the kind of life that they wanted for themselves. The relationships that they wanted, want kind of parents they would be, what kind of citizen will they be …….the legacy that they wanted to leave behind. 

 I asked them first to write down their name at the top of the page with the question “WHO is___________? They were to then list what their needs and wants were. The rules were simple: no material goods and no mention of wealth. The moans coming from the room were exciting…they were frustrated with the assignment. I love that! They did not have to hand this in; it was an exercise to get them thinking about what truly matters in life. The journey of who we become. 

We ask children at such a young age to decide what they want to do with their lives, choose a career path and quite frankly I am not sure how you are expected to know what you will do for the rest of your life before you know who you are. I believe in shaping our youth into who they should be over what they should be. What kind of house do you want? What kind of car? What type of travel? But I think what we fail to find out or instill in them is…… what kind of person do you want to be. Who they should be actually!  What will you do in your lifetime that will make you the individual that shapes and molds the society that we need?

The next part of the assignment was to write out; their very own obituary. No writing about what clubs or organization they belonged to. They were instructed to write a paragraph describing them.

Clearly with what I am facing right now in my life this memory of that day has been playing heavily on me. I find myself realistically looking at the last 30 days of my life/ potentially...... I am fearful of my upcoming surgery. I also fear and question what will happen to me during recovery and how long I can keep my cancer at bay? The fact that my cancer has returned and is now in my liver is …well, not good. So I am looking at the possibilities of what my next 30 days or last 30 day will be like. Much the same idea of what I asked the students to consider about their future…I am looking at what I want to be. I know that I need to do a lot to prepare myself for what could be the end. I am not ready or even close to where I need to be; not only accept that fate, but to also be in a position of spiritual readiness to meet my maker. 

My obituary is not ready to be written. The only thing that I am certain and emphatic about it; is that my obituary WILL NOT state that I lost or fought a courageous battle with cancer….never will that name be honoured to have taken my life. I would much rather be remembered for who

 “I WAS” and for what I loved. 

This is kind of what I HOPE for....

“Christine loved life and all the wonders that the earth provided. She loved geese. She was a kind individual who helped many people who were less fortunate. She loved her family. SHE ADORED her children, and every single day of her life thanked God for them. Christine found her soul mate(Patrick); and was married to him for 23 years. She had a strong faith and never wavered on her belief that Jesus Christ died for her. She inspired hope in herself and in others. She adored her friends and cherished the relationships that they had. Especially her life long friend Patsy whom inspired her to be a better person. She loved music and dancing in the rain. Her little dogs brought her an incredible amount of joy. She shrived to be a better person every single day. She accepted her failures but never gave up on trying to fix what was not right. She tried to be a voice for others that could not speak for themselves. Her compassion and empathy for her fellow man was second to none. Christine drove her family crazy with her constant insanity. She finally got her golden ticket and will be arriving in Wonka Land within a few short days. At the gate; Elvis will be waiting to take her to her much earned place in the Jungle Room.”

Something to that effect…..get my point?

That is what I will try to live up to and become...

I have decided; after much thought and consideration what I wish to do for the next 30 days… I have carefully selected a list of priority “fixes” or “do’s ”that I believe will prepare me for my life to end…..OR prepare me to live a much fuller life should I pull through. I tend to believe that I will survive…and have a much fulfilled life ahead of me.  

My journey is also about this; I have had enough struggles in my life….. and believe that I now have a purpose. I have beat myself up many days/weeks/months and years... trying to answer my own question  “what am I supposed to do with this life I have?” Through writing and corresponding with many of my followers I believe my purpose is just this…..SHARE. I know many individuals have traveled the same paths as me. I have weathered too many storms to not have an impact on another person! I hope to inspire you to search with me for a much fuller, happier, spiritual contented life. I don’t want my life or my battle with cancer to be in vain. I want to be remembered as a person that served God, by sharing and repairing. 

As readers of this blog I ask you to do the following for me. Each day for the next 30 days (starting Sunday February 16. 2104) to share my blog entry each day on your facebook wall and encourage others (your friends) to do so as well. I am hoping to reach as many people as possible. My goal is to share my journey in hopes that others share their own journey to a fuller life at the end of the 30 days.  I also hope that you will take the time to send me your thoughts about my daily posts and that you share with me about your own journey.

I will be posting my blogs later in the afternoon each day so that I may have a chance to recap for you what I have done/accomplished each day. I believe that each of us can shrive to be better people and to find ways to be happier and more content with our self. 

I am not afraid to die. But having said that; I am not ready to die or accept that my death will occur before it’s time for me to say "I am ready to go". I know that the next 30 days will be exhausting, emotional and extremely hard for me. However, I believe it is imperative that I face each day with courage , strength , an open mind and more than anything else a willingness to change, accept and challenge whatever I need to do to become the kind of person that I want and need to be. Ultimately what I desire more than anything is this;

I need to become Heaven worthy. Don’t you?

~Christine~