Human Pollution

Yesterday the interviewer arrived and I was not prepared mentally for the anguish that would be released from my heart, mind and soul. I had been asked to play a part in a film documentary about the links between illness and the environment. This project in the making will take several months to complete; of which I will be featured as a patient. My unique cancer and other illnesses are of particular interest to not only the writer of film but also to the entire crew. I was unsure of how the first interview would go and quite honestly I was a nervous wreck. I agreed to do this as I feel that my story is worthy of being told. I also need my story to be told! I have recently completed a novel about my journey; this film will be released along the same time frame as my book. My story has yet to be told in full. Many of my friends and family know bits and pieces of my life but I had NEVER revealed the entire journey........ for a lot of reasons. Fears of not being accepted or being judged too harshly have kept me in a silent prison; I very rarely leave my home anymore.  I have allowed some of the most amazing people in my life walk away instead of pulling them closer. The truth is most people don’t want friends with issues or drama, and most people are unwilling to be true friends when they need to be. That is a painful lesson to be learned.  I know that many individuals care about me; but I have yet to go the distance with anyone to achieve that bond. The horrible reality in this, is that my pain; not only physically but mentally has become too burdensome for me to carry alone. That is why I decided to write my story. Perhaps in my life or in my death I will finally be understood.

Yesterday I shook and cried, in fact my insides felt like they were vibrating up against my own skin as I retold the truth of my journey. For the very first time in my life I allowed myself to be completely and utterly vulnerable. The words and thoughts that came from my inner self left me in a state of mind that I have never experienced; it caused me to cry so hard that my stomach purged its’ contents several times. I continually had to remind myself that this is for a greater cause....I wanted to stop. Writing my book has been therapeutic in many ways and a much needed release, however they are my words, it is my book, it is a 500 page journal that I have....the decision to print and sell has yet to be determined. But sitting in my living room speaking to the writer of the film was different as I shared the most intimate details of my life with another person. The truth of my life was spoken, released, set free. I inadvertently unleashed something inside of me that I had been controlling for so many years.   

I was left scrambling yesterday once they left as I tried to regain control of where my mind went; to places I NEVER allow myself to go. We spoke about the environment and the pollution that we breathe in. The types of foods we ingest but every time the interviewer used the word pollution I could only picture people in my mind; not trash or emissions from corporations.....nothing of the sort! I pictured the pollution spewing out of people through their mouths. Evil. The judgements, the cruelness the toxic waste that people emit in our society were my only thoughts. The bullying, the hatred and shallow words that individuals believe they have a right to say to others.... that is pollution. The effects of me breathing in emissions from a diesel truck are far less damaging than that of the words I have ingested from people. The damage to my insides has been far greater. Every single day people spew words of hatred and judgement to and about others. That is why our society is so F’ed up today. Our kids are learning from us how to ruin a society. It is not just about the environment and the effects of global warming; it is global coldening of hearts. We all watched the video of Amanda Todd..... why did this happen? Because our society is pollution and we have told our children that it is ok to bully, pass judgement on people, and state opinion in a fashion that is unacceptable. 

Every one every single day looks at another person with contempt, and mostly for reasons that are not warranted. Example, you see a person in a wheel chair and you in a split second you confirm in your mind that in fact this person is unable to walk. Now if you see a person getting out of car after they have just parked in a handi capped space and you see them walking , do you not get angry? You assume that since there is no wheel chair that they mustn’t be handi capped. What about a person who suffers from depression.... “can’t they just get over their issues?” “ what is so wrong with their life?” Isn’t that easy to say or think? 

The damage to our world is a man made problem. Greed, jealousy, consumerism, gluttony.....We destroy people, we cause cancer, we cause pain and despair. We are to blame for all of the miseries that we experience. Our actions cause reactions and in the end we have become a bitter, cruel society that tosses aside the people who need compassion and understanding. We label and decide the worth of a person without ever taking the time to hear their story. Yes I am bitter! 

Why do you think people update their facebook status’s everyday with wonderful inspirational quotes?  We need to read them. We are all struggling to balance the reality of the world we live in. We need inspiration more now than ever! A feel good story goes viral on their internet and yet I watch or read the stories of what people are sharing and we get all emotional about them and I think BIG DEAL...... isn’t that what life is supposed to be like? Why are we making such a big deal about an act of kindness? Acts of kindness ........is what we did as general rule, now we make a spectacle of a good deed doer......... 

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Human Pollution is killing us.....all of us

~Christine~