Day 15- Laughter

Wow have my blogs ever been heavy…life, death, pain, facing fear….and now the truth of where I draw my strength. Laughter. Anyone that knows me on a personal level knows that laughter is just as important to me as the air that I breathe.

I look and find humour in all that I do; even in the worst of situations. I know that it is hard to imagine that there is humour in illness or death but there is…well at least humour is my shield; it is what I hide behind.

When I was young I heard a quote and it went something like this…”pretend to be the person you wish to someday become …eventually you will learn how to be that person.” Growing up I really had no idea who  I was or what I wanted to become. I just always knew that I wanted to be in a position that helped others in some fashion. Truthfully I have been insecure by whole entire life. I have just never felt that there was a certain place for me. I bounced from group to group hoping that I would eventually settle. I guess even in my adult years I still bounce.

At a very young age I found that by performing or making the people in my family laugh I had a place; otherwise I was too young to really fit in with my siblings. I was that kid that everyone would yell to mom  “ call Chrissy..” my siblings were all older by 9-5 years…so I get that. Or I was the go to kid, or the go get that kid for all of them. My best role was the tv channel changer.. (ya kiddos no remote controls)

Anyways..I don’t want my blog to be about poor me’s …what I am trying to say is that my humour or sense of it stemmed from pretending to be the person I wanted to be. As I entered high school I was a loooooser with a big Capital L monogrammed right on my forehead. Grade 9 was a complete write off and so I decided that when I was to return after the summer to enter grade 10 I would use my humour as a shield to protect myself from the bullies.  I also learned that when you are on….no one has an opportunity to ask you anything or judge you….as long as they are laughing; they like you.

The poor teachers at St. Anne’s who had to put up with me. 

Every single day was a challenge I am sure for them to not hurt me. I was so energetic  and always always looking for a laugh. I felt alive as long as I heard the laughter. I didn’t always fit in with certain groups but I certainly had the ability to keep smiles on a lot of faces. It was tiring at times to keep it up but I needed to in some ways to hide some of the pain I was experiencing. Laughter has always been my protective gear; no one ever asks a laughing or smiling person “what is wrong?”….and I was thankful for that.

Humour/ Laughter developed in me as an adult sort of like a character trait….I am always on the verge of a smart ass comment or sly witty comeback. It is one of the things  that my husband loves about me and loves to hate about me. After 25 years he has finally figured out that he will never change that in me no matter how hard he tries; and yes he does try oh and he begs and begs. He lives with the constant..wait for it….wait for it feeling, as he knows that with pretty much everything that is said and done in our life I have a remark and when I don’t he wants to call an ambulance for me.

If I did not have a sense of humour I will tell you that I would not be able to live through what I have endured and continue to endure. And for Gods sakes there is something funny in everything we do and everything we face and truthfully I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I am not shallow or lack the ability to be sincere or genuine it is just how I cope. I have pretended to be the person I have always wanted to be and here I am a strong woman with a good sense of what life is all about. I just happen to find the ups in every down.

Ok so what is it like to be married or mothered by Christine….well someone described me recently as a hot mess; which sums me up I guess. My poor children are finally figuring out that my humour and sarcasm is part of who I am. They basically roll their eyes and tell me to grow up A LOT! But sometimes I hear them laughing in the other room about what I have said or done….ha ha ha  I am called an jackass quite often…and when I think about my husband I can tell you that he deserves a medal and a trophy and a standing ovation and ……let’s just say I feel sorry for the bastard sometimes.

 Exhibit A; Jack Ass

But only sometimes I feel sorry for him…my humour is and always has been my defense against reality of whatever it is I deal with. I am scared to death of people and of my cancer. If I allowed myself to let the fear I have into my mind I would be crippled by it. I would not be able to get out of bed in the morning and that is the Gods honest truth. So if like pretending to be someone you want to be is true…then believing that life can be faced with a smile and some laughter than I win. I am a strong funny woman. 

My children and I joke about my possible death to the point that sometimes I wonder if I have screwed them up. I joke about needing a liver and have told them that when “drunk driving season” comes we will be in search of accidents on the highways in hopes of finding one. This was such a common joke that I got my very own medical cooler for Christmas “just in case” we found one. I joke with them about my funeral and how I want to wear 3 different outfits, as my funeral will be over so many days I will need costume changes. We laugh so hard we cry. So how is that funny? It’s not….but I bet you when those three girls stand in front of my closet to choose an outfit for me they will laugh at thoughts of my crazy expectations….I have removed a very stressful time “later” for them and replaced it with potential laughter.

My oldest daughter calls me “Terry” in public as I have a hard time with my legs, as sometimes they hurt so terribly I can barely walk. (Terry Fox btw) I have poor eyesight so they also call me 

glac o…..I laugh at that one…. (Glaucoma starting in my right eye) We are a sick humoured family….but I would not want it any other way.

When I first married, my husband was very busy with his new job and was stressed out a lot of the time trying to make his way through his new career. I had no clue as to help him and yet I desperately kept trying to make his environment that of a “distressed” and happy home. I pulled pranks on him non-stop. One day I filled a pair of my pants with leaves and attached my running shoes to the bottom of the pant legs. I gently placed my body half into our garage and closed the door on “my body”… I waited by the side of the house …wait for it…hahahaha he pulled in put the car in park swung open the car door and ran to me, of course when he discovered that it was a mere leaf pile….he went into the house and locked the door on me. You must hear that a lot eh? Pat locking doors on me..and that is true; he locks them A LOT. 

I am notorious for calling my mom and pretending to be a Bell Canada operator trying to get her to accept a collect call, press 1 if you accept the charges…..(1 is pushed , charges accepted) then Bell Canada again says you may press 1 to accept the charges…(1 is pushed, charges accepted) Bell Canada again prompts her to press 1…..”FRED……Chrissy is trying to call collect”…. Eventually the call is dropped as my mom is pissed as she realizes once again it was me. So I call her back and say didn’t you want to know why I was calling you? Again she hangs up.

~just wanted to share a few of my wackiness~ actually not even a hair on my head measures what I have done.

Laughter cures people; laughter allows patients to live longer. Laughter is a medicine. Laughter is the best way to deal with anything. Laughter brings people together like no other emotion could. Laughter is my life. I refuse to allow myself to believe in any other therapy other than laughter. If you can’t laugh at yourself every once in a while you have a problem! I cannot imagine my life, my household, my children and my family without laughter even when it is at my expense. Doctors say it all the time… 2 patients with same diagnosis of 6 months to live…Patient 1) crawls into bed and dies in 3 months. Patient 2) laughs and continues to live out their days their own way and lives for years….. You all know this to be true. 

I am patient #3 Doctor says your cancer is back and is terminal….GOD’s honest truth, he asked me if there was anything he could do for me and I said.. ”you can suck my balls”. I have no idea where that came from but I can tell you that my oncologist and the nurses could not breathe….every one in the room was crying. He proudly told me; that was the very first time he has ever had a patient say that to him let alone a woman.  I am patient #3 that never gets mentioned. I will live laugh and love for many years past their expected expiry date.....

Go find something to laugh about!

~Christine~