It is my second week after having my chemo injection. I agreed to the option given to me by the cancer clinic in London. It is for a 90 day trial period. If this drug is successful it will do the following for me: decrease my risk of further tumours developing, it should also stop the wealth of tumours that I currently have from getting larger and it should also suppress the hormone Vipoma that my tumours secrete. This drug is an injection that is given directly into my muscle. This drug can be taken in two ways, either several injections daily or every 28 days which is injected into the muscle ...it is long lasting and slowly released. The total cost for the injection that will last 28 days is close to $3000.00, which is much cheaper than the daily doses. Hence I am doing the 28 day injection.
(info regarding the actual drug I am taking)
I have a nurse that is a specialist for this type of injection. She travels throughout South Western Ontario serving 3 patients. She arrived at my home and went through the protocol with me and my family. After we discussed the possible side effects and such she proceeded to give me the injection. All I can tell you is that it was the most horrible thing I have endured to date. The needle itself looked longer and wider than my arm and hurt like a bitch going in, not to mention the drug itself that is injected is extremely thick....
The first couple of hours after I was fine, but by 10 o’clock I was crying and begging for help. I could not even roll myself over. The next few days proved to be a challenge, as the muscles in my legs were quite sore, not to mention...my ass was sore!! Knowing full well that the drug would peak in 7 days I felt confident that I was handling the drug quite well despite the sore muscles. Well I was wrong! The pain, the muscle pain is now unbearable. The side effects that I was warned of have hit me in complete sequence of the list provided on the warning pamphlet! Hives, itching, nausea, muscle cramps and aches, tiredness, dizziness and bitchiness (ok I added that)... today has been my worst day so far. I woke up this morning with a mouth full of sores and a body that feels like a Mack Truck hit me.
If this drug is successful in doing what it is designed to do, it will be given to me every 28 days for the rest of my life, which means I will pretty much feel like this for the rest of my life..... this drug has been known to be successful in other patients but only in 50 % of them. So at this point I am playing the wait and see game. If this drug is successful than I will continue to take it at a cost of 36,000 per year, which we will most likely be able to half of the expense covered. If it is not successful I will travel to Switzerland to have it cured immediately through extensive chemo and radiation. Either way this battle is a huge financial burden on us. The worst part is that I may never feel better, yes I will live but my quality of life may in fact just suck.
I probably don’t sound very positive and I am sorry for that, but every aspect of this fight is draining. It is not like I see the end of the road very clearly. That wears on my patience! I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that I can’t just get up and do the things I need and want to do. My energy level is low. The simplest tasks exhaust me. The bigger problem, I am too damn proud to say HELP....I guess eventually I will ask but right now I cannot accept my limitations, my mental energy and my physical energy are in completely different arenas. The mere thought of me using this drug for all eternity is unthinkable, as it will mean I am financially screwed and unable to work and contribute to my own medical expenses. Being dependent on someone else has always been one of my biggest fears.
Tonight I am feeling blue and hosting my own pity party, invitations sent to me, myself and I. No party crashers allowed. I am allowing me to look at what I am going through and feel bad for me, wah wah wah.... lol I guess I need to take my own advice and take one day at a time, as trying to figure out all the variables is too depressing. I simply have no concrete answers and will have to just wait and see what the scans say next month. That will paint a better picture for me as to what I decide about this drug and Switzerland. Either way I know my road is long and will not be easy, but my struggle is to survive this friggen disease.... I have to remind myself of that. Eventually
I will beat this. In the meantime.....ouch ouch ouch wah wah wah
~Christine~
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