All things considered....

Despite the fact that the last few weeks I been bitter, well bitter as hell..... I have found that my faith is stronger than ever. I rely on that to get me through some pretty dark thoughts. I can’t change the fact that I am hurting or scared or even angry but I remind myself that there is a great and wondrous place to be after all of this..... life that is. I lost a friend this week and I am devastated for her husband and his children, but dare I say at peace knowing she is with my Lord. She entered my life under the most bizarre circumstances, which has been baffling my mind for months as to why and how it happened the way it did. I have to tell you that I am learning to not question why people end up on my path, or why I end up on their path....God put her on my path for a reason; my struggle is to understand what  exactly I was to do , and moreover did I accomplish what I was to do........ I am nothing but a woman I have no special powers or gifts...... She humbled me in many ways with what she chose to share with me about her life. At times when we spoke I felt amazed at what she said to me, often telling me that I inspired her. I frequently laughed about that because I could never fully appreciate what I actually did for her. Honestly, I still don’t. Our relationship was intense, intense in a way that is almost indescribable.  Her hunger for answers about her life and her feelings about situations she had dealt with her life amazed me.Her life hardships were very similar to mine, and yet we were very different people. I hope I am making sense here...grrr. I have not slept much since she passed, for many reasons.

Mostly because I feel lost trying to figure out how and why we were joined on a spiritual level. We never spent time doing the regular girl things, our relationship was very different. My blog was actually the focus of a lot of our discussions. In fact our conversations would be literally hours long always stemming from a selected topic from my blog.......Each day she would call me and say “thank you for settling something for me today”, and we would talk for hours and hours, and email back and forth like crazy. Our connection was perhaps a healing journey for both of us... all I can say is that we are bonded together forever because of what we shared.

It was not long ago that she was diagnosed with Cancer; in fact it sickens me how fast all this happened, literally weeks! It was late one night that she contacted me to share her news... it was then we both realized why we were together. I felt desperation within my own heart for her, I knew that night, that moment that she would not survive. She said “well I guess this is why we connected”.... I don’t know what that means....... All I can say is that our spiritual sharing for the months leading up to this moment was perhaps what God wanted for her. A place to vent, spew, accept and then heal.... I pray to God that I was able to help her do that. Truth is she helped me in so many ways.

Maybe she served a purpose in my life, maybe I served a purpose in hers.....either way God picked both of us up and turned us face to face for what was an incredible experience of spiritual friendship. I know this today for a fact... In many ways life is a journey to death and we must be open to the possibility of these types of healing events. There is no other possible way that Shelley and I would have connected in the way that we did, how we did or why unless a greater force than both us did this for us. I am so sad that she has passed, I wish with my every being I could have changed this for her.....anyways .....

If you are reading this and are truly feeling what I am trying to get at ...please allow yourself to be open to the possibilities that other people are here; put on this earth and on our paths to touch, heal, comfort and connect with us. For no apparent reason someone may just show up in your life, be open to it as you just never know the path that they will lead you on...

I love you Shelley...

~Christine~

I am sharing a video of my most favourite song; it brings me to my knees. This version is the most incredible I have heard to date, please take the time to listen in full....... I dedicate this song to her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVyBjqY3r0k