Spiritual Connections......

I was raised with faith. I was taught in school and through mass, as well through my family that there are guardian angels. I was also told that there is a heaven and a hell. I believe in all of this. When people die they leave our place of being (earth) and continue to be a part of our lives until we meet in our heavenly kingdom. Having said this, spirituality has been prevalent in my life for as long as I can remember. My faith and thoughts about God and angels has been an integral part of my life. Many times throughout my adolescence I recall finding comfort in my faith. Always open to the idea that my loved ones were always surrounding me. Guiding me and perhaps protecting me on my journey of life. My first real spiritual awakening or “proof” of existence was when my niece passed away. I was 14 years old when Jessica died, her death was quite traumatic and to this day it is still unsettling to me. For many nights after her death I dreamt of her in a place that was not familiar but extremely beautiful. I also remember the scent while I dreamt. There are no words to describe it. Unearthly beautiful. 

In June of 2004, the first time I was diagnosed with cancer I underwent a life altering surgery in attempt to save my life. I was told; as was my family I probably would not survive. The weeks leading up to my surgery I had an incredible sense of calm about me. I can only describe this as a feeling of a warm blanket on me. I was at complete peace with death and with my faith. After my surgery was complete I was brought to the ICU where I would remain until I stabilized. My mother had promised me that she would not leave my side. That night they did not allow her to stay. The following night my blood pressure dropped to 44/21. I remained like this for 2 days. I was dying. I remember hearing my mom apologize for leaving me, but to be honest it didn’t matter to me, as I was not alone. At one point during the night I looked up to see my mother’s mom Rose walk to my bed and sit down. She reached forward and gently rubbed my feet. She never spoke a word. You need to know she passed away when I was 13. That night I began the most incredible journey of spiritualism. My body was shutting down, my blood pressure still low, and my family’s hopes of me making it through the night were low. It was then that I began to smell the scent, which I had once smelt in a dream at 14. As people walked into the room I gestured to them to come close to me, so that I could pull their heads close enough to my face to smell them. I, no matter what anyone says to me or says about me, I believe I could smell their souls. Perhaps like in my dreams with my niece, the people in the room with me were amongst the angels in my room. The smell is nothing like you have ever smelt before. Pure angelic heavenly smells, but with that also came the worst smell you could smell, worse than burning sewage. Death lingered in my room.

I fought like hell those two days! I knew I was going to die. I was never alone. To the right side of my bed 2 small boys sat on the floor. They played an old fashioned game of jacks. On occasion they would stop and look up at me. They were dressed in old fashioned clothing. Each time someone would walk into the room they would climb aboard their bike and ride out of the room. Other strange people would walk into my room and turn around and walk right back out. I know that I was heavily medicated and I often wondered when I got out of the hospital, if it were the medications that caused these hallucinations. My children came to visit me and I warned them that before they sat on my bed they should move the chickens..yes I saw clucking chickens walking around in my room. But the thing is I knew it was crazy, even while I was saying it. The spiritual visits and thoughts...I never shared them with anyone until after my stay. I know they were real. I wasn’t allowed flowers in my room, but I would tell my family to look at the flowers I got from friends and cousins yet there were no flowers in my room. So why did I see or say flowers, later my mother shared with me , many of the people I spoke about had called her home and left messages asking how I was. Somehow I already knew they were thinking of me, no, praying for me.

My dear friend Peg was battling cancer at the same time as me. While I was in London she was back at home in palliative care. She passed away two days after I was released from the hospital. I wrote about her in a previous blog, she told me that white feathers were signs that angels are around you. One day in particular my friend Lisa and I were out for a bit. I was still feeling quite weak but needing to get out of the house, she agreed to take me to Zehrs. While in the parking lot she told me that she couldn’t understand where I got the strength to laugh and fight like I do. I laughed and said “well I am never alone”. As I said this I kicked a small item on the ground, when I bent down to see what the item was I started to cry and so did she. It was a gold charm off of someone’s necklace. A gold “P”. P for Peg, all I could do was smile, laugh and feel completely and utterly safe and incredibly protected. Since that experience there isn’t a hard day I face that I don’t find a white feather somewhere near me, just to let me know I am not alone. My youngest daughter Samantha has on occasion brought me a white feather that she has found either in her room or within the house and said “ here mom I think Peg left this for you.” It has become that obvious to even my children. Thank you Peg.

These are only a few of the connections that I have experienced that I am willing to share with you at this point. I believe with all my being that there is another place, another home where we will end up. I struggle with my faith at times, perhaps more the institution of my faith... but I am a true believer in the afterlife. I have been taught this but now I have experienced it firsthand the wonders of my beliefs. Truth be told I do not fear death, in fact it is a great comfort to me knowing that someday I will be reunited with my family....I am just not ready to go yet.. and I am quite certain they are nowhere near ready for the likes of me!

As always I welcome your emails and your comments, if you have had an incredible experience please share it with me. Thanks again for your dedication to reading my blog.

~Christine~