Dear Breasts,

This morning as I got out of the shower I carefully reached out and wrapped my towel around my body and realized you no longer have the ability to hold your own. Like the 10 year old child I once was; you are not there. I started to recall the relationship I once had with you before you left me; alone abandoned…..flat. I miss you; no I miss both of you. The debate is over, yes righty you were bigger. I could never say it out loud as lefty always felt bad about that. 

I reminisce about the days that you were just a hard nodule in my shirt, the awkward little elephant in the room, and how I prayed every night that my girls would come in before Danielle’s. Man did we ever celebrate when you finally arrived. They were some good old days. The day I got leverage over others was one of the happiest days of my life.

I know that you took a lot of attention away from my beautiful blue eyes but I am not mad about it or even jealous, as I know that you were a part of me! I was so proud of you, the way you sat up so nice and high on my chest you didn’t even need a support system. 

They came from miles away to see you, hold and kiss you….it was such a great love affair. It was so amazing of you to help me have friends that were boys, if it wasn’t for you I would have spent every weekend in high school alone and depressed. You really did introduce me to a lot of boys. Thank you breasts.

Oh how I miss the bouncing, the wiggling and swaying from side to side; what I wouldn’t do for just one more day with you. We could play one last round of your favourite game…motor boating oh how you used to love that! 

So we did have some rough patches in between the kids and for a few years after. Things were not looking so good there for a while. Kind of like a deflated yet flated balloon and the nips……one due north and the other somewhere west for a while? It didn’t matter, he did not notice after all you are BOOBS!  If only you were independent from me we could have robbed banks together…the cops would have just screamed “it’s OK they are BOOBS!” oh the potential mischief we have missed out on…….

You know I never really thanked you for helping me out with the kids, when I think back at all the money you saved me! 3 kids and all that milk! It is just too bad you couldn’t have figured out how to turn that milk into money….they are still trying to suck something out of me…..  Seriously, thank you for bringing my children so close to my heart and soul with each time you fed them. I am forever grateful for the bonding that you gave me.

Lately I have been talking about replacing you and I am struggling with this. Yes the new ones will look fantastic, and I am sure my real friends will be so happy that they won’t be forced to have to look into my eyes any longer. I just feel  guilty thinking that you my, breast friends, my tickets, my ta ta’s my titties, my get out of a speeding ticket  friends, my hypnotizers,  how could I ever replace you?

My 44 Double D’s you left me and I truly miss you. The question of the day is “TO BE or NOT TO BE REPLACED?” for that is the real question……. To Breasts all around the world you have been under rated and undervalued; it is time you stand up and take your place where it belongs –mid chest and stay there!

~Christine~

Then :)

Now......