My First Kiss…

I recently moved back to my hometown after 20 years, and it seems to have sparked some wonderful memories of growing up here. I am amazed at how things look different and yet how some things remain frozen in time. While driving to my folks I was on the street of my childhood home and found myself picturing all the kids on the street as if it were over 25 years ago. The street hockey games going on and even the BMX bike trick riding…as I approached the block before mom and dad’s place  I  felt an adrenaline rush as I passed by what used to be the local candy store. Most famously known as Gus’s store (by the time I turned 11 years old the name changed to B.J’s)….. or also known as Kenny Howlings’ house…(awe my heart flushes with excitement with the thought of old Hot Lips Hockey Hair Howling)

My obsession started in grade 7, each day my mother gave me 25cents to buy juice at school, but I would stop at the candy store every morning to buy my stash of mojo’s and the twin packs of jawbreakers. On one morning in particular  I happened to see a boy wearing a yellow and black striped baseball hat, he looked up and I saw the most beautiful brown eyes…that was it; he had me at the look….I was so nervous I  quickly left the store. After that morning it became my mission to attend the store each and every day…. (oh god I was such a looooooser!) for an entire year he never made anything but small talk with  me.  Until grade 8…… my friend Kathy had met a boy named Brad from the same elementary school that Ken attended, and low and behold he was Kens best friend.. JACKPOT!!!!!! March break 1984……March 17^th ….not that I remember  or anything… anyways…I spent the entire day at Kathy’s home preparing for the big night that Brad and Ken would come to my house. (oh did I mention my folks would be out for the night, bad catholic girls)

Since I was not allowed to wear jeans or makeup, Kathy hooked me up. ‘Fancy ASS’ jeans, they were skin tight painted on blue jeans, you remember the kind of tight that required you to lay down on the bed to do up the button while using a coat hanger to pull up the zipper?...the shirt was a striped wing top, the wrist to waist fake wing style shirt, and matching huge earrings. She and our mutual friend Karen did my makeup. For the first time I wore black eyeliner, mascara, foundation and red lipstick…hahahah a complete cake face! I felt like a million bucks! Hahahah I even remember going to Big V Drugstore that day and buying a product called “SUN IN” to spray into my hair to make it blond….

Once my folks left for the night, Kathy and I went to my house and within seconds called Brad and Ken to come over. Shortly after their arrival we made a frozen pizza and began to watch a movie on HBO, the movie box rental machine…the movie was Kramer vs. Kramer. After about 20 minutes Brad and Kathy decided to go listen to my ghetto blaster in the back rec room.  (I can still remember the jeans he wore, the hockey jersey SHORELINE  HOCKEY #16 and the smell of his Avon Cologne  hahahahahaha…..)Here I was alone on the couch with the boy I had been obsessing about for over a year…sweaty palms, heart racing…he turned to me and said “Should we kiss or something”….kiss? I had never worn jeans makeup or even been alone with a boy! Kiss? I didn’t know how to. I just stared at him, don’t worry I eventually said what every love sicken girls says …. “with or without tongue?”  jeeeezzz I didn’t even know what the difference was but Kathy told me to say that!!!!

At 8:17 pm..Thursday night of March Break; March 17^th 1984 I had my first incredibly awkward wet, slobbery vacuum sucking kiss. It was awful, but the most memorable kiss to date.  .The first kiss. The best kiss. The kiss I wish I could relive over and over again. Not that I am saying it should be with him, but the first kiss, not the …..”I’ve known you for 20 years kiss”…the I can’t wait for my lips to touch your lips kiss…..oh just forget it!

It is hard to not think of that night when I see the house that used to be his store. Fond memories from our past are hard to not think of especially when it was such a good and memorable time. The rest of the Hot Lips Howling story isn’t so great, but he kept me running for that kiss for 4 years after that! hahahahaha  

Cheers to First Kisses With or Without Tongue

~Christine~

My Mother Never Told Me This About Men……

Growing up I never really asked my mother’s advice about dating, guys or serious relationships. I just assumed everything I was doing in the relationships I was having …was normal. I also thought that when you fall in love with the man you marry; it would just work…and you live happily ever after end of story. (oh boy)

I have three teenage daughters that are at the age of dating, crushes, head in the cloud kind of love and the dreaded heartbroken failed relationships. I am an outsider to all the fine details of the relationships they have with boys, as I am the MOTHER. However, I do force them to listen to my opinions, my speeches and my knowledge of the enemy… ..I mean men.

I often wondered how I would approach the relationship speeches with them until …..I was faced with a distraught teenager, and the words just magically flowed. One only needs to hear her daughter cry once over a boy to know exactly what to say. There is not much that can be said to calm her after she has had her heart ripped out of her chest by the little bastard, but reassurance that these types of boys are needed….to learn how to appreciate the better ones that come along.

I refer to these boys as “training wheels”, and we all need them so that someday we can ride the big boy bikes. I also explain to them that each guy they date( even if it turns out ugly in the end) had something good about them. I tell the girls to journal the things they liked about the boy, and look for that in the next one, encouraging them to build up to the perfect one… (ok who we kidding, there is no perfect one) I also encourage them to find out what it was they liked about themselves while they were dating this guy, as we learn a lot about ourselves when we are with others. Can someone really bring out the best in you? Absolutely. I am not trying to prepare them for marriage yet, but it never hurts to help them look at the selection process, starting now when the idea of relationships and feelings of love are new and fresh.

I also tell them A LOT, to not expect much from these boys, as the maturity level in high school is just not there. Girls invest emotionally in relationships much more than boys, and often their hearts are broken as little Johnny loves you today, and starts dating your best friend tomorrow.

I have had my heart broken maybe once or twice (grrr…feels like yesterday)…..when I look back to when I first started dating as a teenager, my biggest failure was becoming the boy, that is to say I lost myself in the relationship and that was all I could think about. When the relationship ended I was lost. This is a fear I have for my girls. I try to ensure that the time they spend with their boyfriends is balanced by spending the same amount of time with their girl friends. Hoping they never invest more than they are willing to lose.

So what did my mother fail to tell me?…. Well a few things actually, with respect to men relationships and marriage.  Men are simple, very simple in fact. They like to communicate in short sentences, usually with a yes or no answer. Men prefer to fix things, not listen to problems. So if you cry, complain or yell,  and happen to notice while doing so that  they are staring off to the abyss….Well they are not trying to identify with you nor are they feeling sorry  for you; they are searching in the “tool box “ for the right instrument to fix you. When they realize they can’t fix you…they yell. The intention is not to offend you (even though they often do) they just want you to stop leaking and smile. They truly need to know you are ok, because we all know if “Momma is happy, everybody is happy.”

Women are complex emotional beings and unfortunately men are not. Trying to get your mate to sit with you for hours talking about issues, is highly unlikely in fact it probably won’t happen. Unless you can find away to break it down play by play, or you could hood wink him into thinking something else is about to happen, and when he finds himself comfortable on the sofa proceed with a “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Men are trainable but they are not our family pets, we should not have to clean up after them (put the GOD  D**N seat down). Men also need to feel that what they say matters, even if what they are suggesting to you is absurd… the way I look at is like this….the man is the head of the household, but we the  ladies are the necks! We have the ability to turn the head to see whatever it is we want them to see! (Valuable Info) in the end he made the decision , therefore he is proud, and happy.

When it comes to sex ladies…… just do it! Who cares how tired you, or that you have been home with the kids all day…it may only take 3-4 minutes and then you are done. Trust me this is a BIG one, eventually the kids will be grown up and you will hit your sexual peak, he will remember the times when you were “unavailable”. This is not something you want to tinker with… EVER!

The other misconception is that women think our partners are only attracted to us when we are “done up”. Or that if we put on a few extra pounds on, we are no longer sexually viable???  Truth is YES they notice, only because we do. Men want confidence in a sexual partner, not someone who doesn’t want their partner looking at their imperfections.

Men rarely notice what is usually a big deal to us. How many times have you felt you looked amazing or had your hair done and he never noticed? So why think he only notices the ‘bad things”. If your partner has a concern about your appearance and he brings it up in a loving compassionate way then great, but if he ridicules you about having a “fat ass”, put deep heat in his underwear before bed and watch him freak out when he feels like his balls are on fire…. (just kidding)

My mother also never told me that I wouldn’t always want to be married to my spouse; most days you think you love them, but other days not so much. Mom never told me that marriage is a decision, not just the day he asks but the days you wonder if you should be there, especially when the times get rough. I always thought that once you loved someone you always just loved them, but now I know you have to remind yourself of that love and continually decide ….Yes.

I am 40 and finally ready to be in a relationship. I get it now; I have figured out most of my “issues” and finally love me. I am not sure getting married at 20 was the most brilliant choice considering I didn’t start maturing until I was 39 ½ , but I am ready to be a partner , especially with a simple, trainable,  fixer upper, sexually motivated man that does not care that my body is not that of a 20 year old but rather a perfect 40 year old. Oh and mother also never told me that I would feel this flirtatiously wonderful at 40…. A secret she kept from me. I now know why (while I was outside playing) mom used to lock the doors when dad was home!   ;)
~Christine~

My Dream Job......

The time to make the donuts guy! Ok that is not my dream job and no my dream job does not involve me being some sort of sex super powered hero type thingy… My real DREAM job is to be a (drum roll please) M.P.P. Yes that is correct. A Member of Provincial Parliament …oh forgot to mention as an independent non partisan  M.P.P. Political issues are my true passion. Grade 12 People and Politics; Barry Pike my teacher at St.Anne’s, peaked my curiosity. During class discussions his face would turn red while he mumbled and paced our classroom floor. I didn’t always know what he was talking about but I was intrigued with his passion. We had the privilege of having a Provincial election the semester I took this class. Mr. Pike made sure that each and every candidate visited our classroom. He also demanded that we understood our responsibility as voters. He believed that each and every person who had the right to vote must be accountable by exercising that right. He was and still remains the teacher/mentor I valued the most.

I got married at a young age; 21. I moved away to Chatham the same weekend I was married. My husband was a brand new teacher, in my view I wanted to be the best wife I could be so I started attending School Board Meetings so that I would be familiar with the issues in Education. After spending every other Tuesday night at the Board Office I wondered how hard it would be to run for a position. I thoroughly enjoyed attending the meetings as well as hearing the debates. Once the Municipal Elections were announced I decided to throw my name in the hat. My philosophy of running a campaign or anything for that matter is, go big or stay home. Typically a campaign for Public School Board Trustee in little ole Chatham was nothing more than a business card size ad in the paper and name recognition. By this time I was only 23and still new to the community; I could not rely on name recognition. I had 500 signs printed, and plastered them all over Chatham. I also had literature printed and I knocked on houses and personally delivered flyers to each home in my riding. 

I forgot to mention I was 7 ½ months pregnant at the time!  The campaign was very interesting considering I was a young pregnant woman and the Chatham Kent political arena was and probably still is run by the “old boys club”. I was not as welcomed as I thought I would be, which made my campaign a bit tough, but very enjoyable from my stand point. I was stirring the pot with issues and many advised me to just not try and change too many things. The last week of the campaign I took every one of my signs down. Which to my competition was mind boggling. Each and every corner in the city was plastered with elections signs to the point that no one person stood out, so 1 week to election day I put 2 foot by 4 foot signs on every intersection….”Boulos for Public Trustee” ! hahaha..Election night I won, hands down with very high votes, in fact I brought in more than most of the incumbents. The best part of this memory for me is not just the fact I won, but I changed the way people run for election. A position of School Board Trustee was always over looked, and underappreciated. The candidates took the election for granted, and I believe my campaign brought awareness and forced other candidates for future elections to work for their win, by actually campaigning.

For three years I debated, yelled, forced issues and stirred the pot, made friends, and enemies but also earned a great deal of respect from my colleagues. I faced issues and often challenged the Ministry of Education head on. It was thrilling as hell! In the three years as a Trustee I aligned myself with many supporters and groups that encouraged me to leave School Board Politics and run for City Council. Which I did! Patrick and I, and my three babies drove the streets each and every night pounding signs, handing out literature and talking to voters. This campaign in particular was nasty as political campaigns go… special interest groups tried to tie me to the unions, and the unions tried to say I was anti union…and being a woman with three small children at home did not go over well with the likes of all the old men in politics.....you know “women should be seen and not heard”……..all and all, it was the most exhilarating campaign yet. Despite the negative press and politics I received almost 17,000 votes! HUGE! 

(thanks to all the women that came out to vote!)

Politics and political issues are my real passion. For the first 10 years of my marriage; I traveled the Province, I lobbied political parties, I spoke publically about the affects of change, and I wrote almost daily for the newspaper, I was a political beast! (hahahaha) My children and I were often in Toronto attending Political rallies, and joining forces with social activists.  My passion turned to food banks and homeless issues. Weekly visits to drop blankets and deliver hot soup to the homeless in Toronto was a must, as well as in our own community. I think I was my happiest while trying to make a difference, the down side however of living like this……the reality that every issue is complex and inter twined with so many variables that affecting change is almost impossible is disheartening. To deal with homelessness one needs to look at mental health, and welfare and who funds what, to municipal transfer payments to unemployment issues, and unions and and ,and ,and…… you get the picture. My difficulty is I don’t know when to stop; I am an advocate at heart. I have a difficult time hearing someone’s problem without feeling like I have to fix it for them, right then and there. I take it on like it’s my own, that is a good thing right? Yes it is ..BUT not for me, because I take it all on and somehow lose me in it.

It was difficult to balance my life at that point, I had three children under the age of 5, and was trying to juggle a political career, and run an advocacy group. There came a day….I was preparing to go on TVO's parent connection with another group member when I  received a call from the CBC… they asked me to do a live phone show,  I found myself later that night on the phone about to answer a question from a caller, when I realized it was all too much…I was trying to respond  when I heard my girls chanting in the other room “Hey hey, hey ho, ______ has to go”….. I felt my stomach turn. I never realized the impact my life was having on my family. Carting my kids to tim buck too, for a good cause???? I wanted my children to grow up and be involved but.. I realized just then I was brain washing my kids to be what I was….. I honestly felt sick.  Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret exposing my children to the kinds of things we did, but I regret not balancing my life. Like I mentioned before “go big or stay home”…that’s me. Do it all….or do nothing.  I slowly uninvolved myself with the big stuff, I stepped down from the Higher profile positions, and offered support when needed but in the end I walked away from the lifestyle. I would have run for a Provincial seat that year, as I had primed myself for the job. I was ready; I might have even won that year…..

But I chose to drop out of politics and pursue other things and I stayed home with the girls until they were in school full days. I am thankful that I was able to do this with them, for them, and me. I don’t regret the decision. Today the political arena is a vicious shark tank infested cesspool of uncertainty….and I truly wish I was swimming in it! I would throw my hat in the ring at anytime! To be a in a position to affect change…wow…. So since I have returned to my home town, and my children are almost adults…..maybe it is time to rethink my political ambitions….maybe! 

CB for PM!

~Christine~