Christine is Just Saying...: March 17th

March 17th 3:30 am; I am sitting in the family room looking across the street at the University Of Western Hospital knowing that within an hour and half I will be arriving for my surgery. I feel completely and utterly relaxed. In fact I feel the weight of the prayers, the thoughts and all the well wishes that have overwhelmed me. I am certainly not alone in this. As I was leaving the room to come and sitting quietly here and pray, Ashley quickly jumped up to see if I was Ok... That is the only thing making me weep uncontrollably at this point. The knowledge that my children are scared for me and for themselves casts such pain within me. However I know; that in 18 hours from now they will know I am fine.

Right now I am excited and filled with joy knowing that shortly I will be able to say I am cancer free. You have no idea the joy these feet feel. I am not afraid and nor do I have anxiety about my fate. People have spoken in droves to me and about me. I know for certain that it is not my time. Even though I am prepared beyond a shadow of a doubt to leave this world today. No fear, no regret.

I am going to wake Pat up and have him bring me over to the hospital to get prepared. I jut wish I had the words to truly describe how I feel right now... I feel like thousands of birds are flocking around me, I can almost feel the wind of the wings; the warmth and the energy is abounding. I will go now but will try to update later tonight ...maybe Pat can type what I tell him to say...lol...

God Bless each of you....
~Christine~

March 17th- Some time after surgery

I am not sure what is happening to me other than they keep telling me that my stomach won't stop emptying and that I have lost a lot of fluids. So far they have replaced 9 litres into my small body. I just can't stop vomiting. I am not scared as I hear them speaking to me. So anything they do or say is a sweet song to me. All I keep asking is "is the tumour gone?"..."YES" then I fall back to sleep with a smile, I don't care about the business of my room, nor the fact that I am having transfusion after transfusion.......I am laying here with no cancer and the truth of my journey......God is good and he heals. AND I will once again be able to focus on me and my children once I heal up.

My body is only my shell, I keep telling myself that tonight as I am in so much pain. I am inside protected by its cruelties. Like in death our shell is buried while our "inside or soul" is set a free forever. I believe that holds true for me right now. I hope my body fights this bastard and it's pain as hard as I have been prayed for by all of you.

I was greeted first by my husband and my oldest daughter Ashley.....o h what a sight. Her tears cleansed my face as she held me with such happiness. No words could be spoken. Nothing but impending love squeezed between two people. My Patrick held me so tight as if he wanted to squeezed the pain out of me....my poor baby boy I can still feel your hurt.... but I am fine! He just can't hear me tell him that. My parents arrive with a glow that lights the room; as they see for themselves that I have once again survived. SAMMY......& My legna Melissa....oh sweet babies don't cry.....I am here and I am cancer free.....I wish they could hear me.. I love you.