Day 6- Empty Vessels

Empty Vessels- Like ships aimlessly floating in the sea with no destination in sight; just a captain and without precious cargo. I have met several empty vessels.Individuals so void of life that you would have to wonder what keeps them alive.

We all have voids in our lives in fact those voids can also be a great source of stress. Instability can attract many voids or deficiencies, issues with family/friends, financial issues, in fact many of life's struggles can with certainty initiate the kind of void we feel when we become empty vessels.

What defines a person who is empty/ I believe that you become that way when you decide to stop being a participant in life. When you stop caring about your fellow man and most importantly your self. 

Being empty inside makes a person incapable of finding the real reason we are all on this earth for. All the good things that God has intended for us to enjoy. Love, family, joy and appreciation for what your purpose is. I myself at one point in my life was empty. I thought that the things I had in my life were important; house, car ....money. It was not until I lost my comforts that I realized how empty I was. I was just not a good person.

My emptiness created a need to be filled...I just didn't know what I really needed to be full and happy. I also believe that when we are empty we fill our voids with the easy stuff that makes us happy...like material goods/wants. Others that have this void or emptiness fill it with addictions. Like drugs,alcohol, gambling and emotional dependencies on others for their happiness.

When we stop serving a purpose we lose ourselves. The hunger that lurks inside us is for something greater than just instant feel goods; like the above I mentioned. I once heard a man tell a story of how he was hungry for all the of the luxuries in life. He shared how he had gone to a 200 a plate event and enjoyed the incredible bounty of food, but when he finished his meal he went on with his night forgetting about what it was exactly that they ate, but somehow he reflected on it and said he still felt hungry even though he had just enjoyed and incredible meal. He used that comparison to his life in that he always had what his belly and mind hungered but still felt empty inside. I laughed at his tale and thought he was truly an idiot as I could show him what I would do and be with his money...but he later continued with his "hunger for something story"... he told the crowd that no matter what he bought or ate or what destination he traveled to; it was never enough for him. Nothing satisfied him even though he "life by the balls"... I sat and listened to him but honestly I thought he full of crap as I envied all that he had. He told us that what he hungered most was being a good person and that it wasn't until he started living his life with a purpose ...helping others; that his hunger was fulfilled. I honestly left that night and felt anger and resentment for his wealth and his luxuries. I didn't believe that someone who had "everything" could actually have nothing.

Now that I am in a position "health wise" it all makes sense to me. What he spoke then...is what I feel exactly about how empty I was as a person. My luxuries are my family, my peace and my acceptance of what life is truly meant to be. My hunger or emptiness is no longer a void in my life. 

Instant feel goods of material kinds will never fill me with the same satisfaction as giving to another person. I have learned the hard way...that giving to others is actually receiving. Sharing my journey with others has also lessened my burden and has filled my emptiness in ways I never thought possible. I think many of us have that kind of hunger and fill it with the things we think will make us happy. Some never fill the emptiness and therefore remain an empty vessel for their entire lives. The funny thing is ....people don't realize that they have so much to give without actually giving a person anything tangible. 

Do you have any idea of what it feels like to have people sit and share with you, or have some one listen to you. I can attest to the greatness of others by them just giving me this. Sitting with a friend over pancakes is a blessing. Someone emailing me and wishing me luck; gives me hope. How much did that cost? How good do I feel? Better question is how do you feel after having done that for me? This whole journey for me has been life saving, in that I am realizing so much of what I am supposed to do with my life. I just hope and pray to God that I get a chance to continue on this path post surgery.

Right now I am feeling overwhelmed by the grace of others. The smallest of things fill me with such joy. I am finally in a position to recognize the bounty that comes from all the small things...the things that I and many believe are insignificant. Last night Pat and I were watching tv when our door bell rang. I dear friend stood in my door way and handed Pat a gift bag and said "give this to Christine" and quickly left. Inside the bag was a brand new hand made blanket. I often comment in my blogs about the "Warm blanket" of comfort I feel. So he had a blanket made for me to bring to London so that I would actually have my warm blanket of comfort; the beautiful part of it was several people prayed on the blanket for me. I could barely contain myself when I read the card and held my blanket. That act of kindness was overwhelming.....to think that someone would go so far out of their way to bring me comfort and joy was incredible. I feel unworthy of the efforts put into making me feel so loved. I am also certain that their was a great level of pride and contentment for the person who did this for me, as they know how much this would mean to me.... I love my new blankie....and the people who did this for me.

I feel the same way after I post one of my blogs and see the continual comments of support and encouragement for me. I am truly blessed. I also know that the people that reach out to me feel they need to. It settles themselves knowing that they did the right thing for them. Should something happen to me I know they will not have any regrets of "I should have reached out"...that is the truth. I know it... as I have lost people in my life and have not done the right things at times and boy oh boy it feels like crap to know it was a simple phone call or email. I live with that.

I guess all I am trying to say in a nutshell is find out what you hunger for, or figure out what drives your emptiness and fill it with something that gives you purpose. We have so much to give others by even doing the simplest things. You are an amazing person...each of us are. We can shape and mold others by being better people. Trust me when I say it is all the small things in life that matter. I am holding my bag full of hundreds of small things that bring me joy, happiness and fulfillment. 

Thank you to every single one of you who have been following my blog and my craziness of emotion and lessons in life.. If I reach one of you if even on one topic....my purpose has been met. I am almost ready to go to London and I can honestly say that each time you reach out to me my bag of little things over flows. I am sorry very thankful and am so full of gratitude of my realizations and new found understanding as to why we are here; and what it is to be a kind vessel of hope and source of joy to others. I feel your love and your well wishes. Trust me. xo

~Christine~