Over the past month or so I have found myself in deep thought about what is important to me and have made the decision to enrich my life as much as possible. With that has come some pretty hard thoughts and decisions as to what I want and need in my life but also what is worth or not worth having in my life as well. I have been trying to simplify what makes me happy and content and trying to surround me and my family with those said things.
Having said that I also know that I have a group of relationships that I am not sure I can handle anymore especially in the current state that they are in. I love these people immensely but also know that immensely may not be reciprocated. You know what I mean? The fact that you seem to care just a wee bit more than they do. ...I can't say for sure 100% that may be the case only because they haven't really verbally said it but their actions or in-actions at times speak volumes. Sure it may seem that they care at times because you are told by others how much the other person loves you or thinks of you; you may have even seen them at a recent funeral and then all of a sudden you matter.....but then time moves on and the relationship or that person is once again no longer to be found...
I love the funeral reconciliation relationships where the other person all of a sudden wants to be close to you and cant understand why you haven't been speaking... it is just the emotion that is running through because of the "death" it really has nothing to do with me now does it. It has been 6 months since the funeral and we are back to not talking again. So I have learned that during funerals I simply smile and hug and wait......wait....wait to see if the "re-longing" is real or not. Usually it isn't; sorry. I think sometimes that death/ births and weddings are just fertilizer on other people's inadequacies... it certainly grows and heightens the real shit inside people. Events should bring out the best in others not the worst.
So when do you know when to pull the plug? Should you be the one to do it? I struggle with this as I am a bit terrified in thinking of the after math of being official about what you and they already know but don't have the balls to say or do. I love you but don't like you.... kind of ending. I think there is a way to end it but don't think you have to end it with a big OPP stand off....as long as you are ending it for the right reasons. The reasons that will allow you to move on with your life without having that horrible inadequate feeling that sometimes people just don't love you. Is there a chance that the relationship will ever change? or will that person ever be able to give you what you need or want without it costing you more than you can afford to pay for it? If not than why not pull the plug, the wasted energy that travels through that plug to maintain that light in the corner you never use or desire to use it quite frankly not worth it. Walking away is in the end for both parties even if they don't see that, everyone benefits from a happier self.
Why do we keep the power going to dead relationships? Why do we worry so much about another person who probably doesn't lose a wink of sleep over us? Walking away is the best option especially when the "dead' or energy draining relationship becomes toxic; gossiped or causes you to lose sleep or your self worth. You can end it by simply pulling the plug and not look back. Three steps , bend , pull and walk away. You don't have to make them own the truth about anything because at this point ; who cares! Who cares who said what, or who did or didn't do this! It simply does not work so stop beating a dead horse and walk away. If they would not admit fault to SAVE the relationship what makes you think they will accept blame or fault in ending it. It does not matter. That is hard to take as we all want and have to have the last word in most cases.
They are hard work; people that is. Bottomless pits of needs and wants that either you can live up to the expectations of relationships or not. Sometimes we encounter situations where we love another person more than we sometimes love ourselves and we get lost in them. Sometimes others will not love you back no matter how hard you try. We should always be putting in the effort to build on the foundations of the people whom we share our lives with; we need to evolve and re-invent ourselves always to stay current with the people we love. Sometimes we take relationships for granted and stop nurturing where we need to which leads to a break down that unfortunately is broke forever. Never do it I mean end one in a way that destroys another person. You are the one that needs to get out of the relationship or away from the expectations of one but don't sell yourself out while doing it.
Life is too precious to not have yourself protected and loved by a circle of like minded people. Relationships with people define us; relationships with our family molds us. Make sure that the ones that you chose to share your life with deserve to have your limited time. Also BE that person that enriches another persons life; show up and give them what they need. Invest in one another right from the start; don't wait until you find out that your account is depleted before you try and make it work. Be kind, be sincere and be true to yourself. Just because someone says I Love You does not mean they are good for you. I say this all the time I would much rather hear I Like You than I Love you, it makes it feel more that they have chosen you as opposed to having an obligatory relationship. I have pulled a few plugs this month; but I am certain that the plug was already gone I just needed to do "pull" it for my own thoughts.
Love
~Christine~
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