The Shoulders That Help Carry My Load..

If I were to tell you that I have been doing all of this getting better on my own; well.... I would be lying. Of course there are several people that make up Team Christine but I want to focus on one individual for this post. Yes my parents and children have gone above and beyond what would be expected but I can't tell you where I would be today...right now if it were not for my husband, best friend, soul mate ....Pat.

This poor bastard has been around for 25 years of my life. Most days I wonder why he hasn't run as far away as possible. I torture him with my constant mischief and Lucille Ball way of living. It is true. The last 10 years have been brutal on him in that he has endured a lot with respect to my illness. he never really knows if I am better or if it is just a " bump" in the road that I get better. I keep defying the odds and yet find myself with another wealth of health issues. Despite it all whether I look to my left, my right, or behind me ...he is always there. Funny I never said in front of...truth is Patrick has never walked in front of me; he is not that kind of man. He is without a doubt the man I was supposed to marry and truthfully would never hesitate in doing it again. If you were to ask him he would tell you that he would marry me every day of the week. I know this to be true because he tells me that all the time.

Our life has not been easy not one ounce of it. But like I tell my children we have had a colourful life and have managed to collect the colours and form our own rainbow....our children and our love is our pot of gold. (BTW I can't wait to show you what Ashley made for me for the hospital- next blog) Anyways Patrick decided for this surgery to take a leave from work so that he might take care of me 24 hours while in London and for when I got home. Take care of me he DID. I had no idea the level of compassion that he was able to show; especially when he had nothing else to focus on but us. No work, no emails, no phone calls.....it was like I had died and gone to heaven. Truthfully I asked him that several times at the hospital.....

He isn't always smiling, in fact he is intense and some times you are not sure what will come out of his mouth. But if you were in the hospital or needing care ....this is EXACTLY who you would want making sure you were comfortable and had all your needs met. Wow did I ever see him in action and was so very thankful for the "extra" care my nurses gave. haha mind you this same man bought them coffee, food and provided each nurse that came into my room a treat. Trust me when I tell you that they loved him and respected him for showing his love for me. In fact I think a few of the nurses were envious of us.

The first day I walked we waltzed through the hallways as if no one else was there. I sang very loudly and largely out of key ....I made up my own I am Cancer Free Song.....he just shook his head and spun me and my IV pole like I asked him to. I loved that he was the first person I saw when I woke up, because he certainly was the last person I thought of when I closed my eyes. He does not like public displays of affection...it has always been on the "divorce contract" but lately he grabs me, holds my hand and even kisses me whenever he can. No it is not because I almost died.....it is because he knows I will live and that he wants a better life as well. He has followed my journey and has realized that loving me in all the small ways I want has actually changed his life as well. What a friggen blessing.

We are one person. Have been for 25 years. We are the perfect person together; on our own we are faulted to the hilt. Somehow we have managed to fill each other in a way that we have blended to be each others strength despite our weaknesses. Where I am strong he is weak and vice versa. I know that his undying support for me has been because of this bond, and because I have spoiled this man ROTTEN! OMG he is such a baby! He has T-REX syndrome when I am not around. Don't know what that is? take your hands and put them up to your chest like a T-rex......now try to grab something........see what I mean. That is Pat. I know why he calls me Mommy....I am his mommy.

My biggest motivation to get better is so that I can get on with living the rest of my life with my Pat. For the first real time in my life I have allowed another individual to help me 100%. I am a tough, stubborn, I can do it myself person. Trust me. In the past I would have been driving by now after a major surgery; now I am still resting and letting him be there for me. He isn't so good at some things but I don't care that my beautiful $200 grey sweater jacket will now fit my nieces, or that my underwear are all blue, I don't even care that when he grocery shops he buys nothing we need. In fact I think every household should have 40 extra white bulbs. ......ok he does frustrate me a little wee bit, but I would not trade him for all the money on the earth.

He loves me AND I know it. I am so very thankful that the Lord has saved my butt yet again so that I can walk this mighty earth with my true love. This Summer I will celebrate my 23rd year of marriage, how many of us can say that today? AND still love each other.... To my partner. Thank you for loving me so much and for always making me feel like I am the only woman on the planet. xoxo

Love

~Christine~