What to Share & With Who...

First let me tell you that once again kindness has struck...as I was about to go out for my "Teddy Bear Tea Time" a car pulled into the driveway. A young man in a beat up white car was struggling to carry out of the back seat a wealth of takeout food.I opened the front door and yelled "you have the wrong house we didn't order anything"... he confirmed the address and said it was prepaid and was being sent to our family. I stood in awe at the wealth of food that was being delivered to my home; more over I was overwhelmed that someone yet again stopped to think of our family in such a touching way. The blessings just seem to keep coming. Thank you for the delicious dinner. Obviously you know me well to know what food to send... and you knew my address (lol). So Thank you.

To share, what to share and when to share is the topic today; which is fitting considering last night I found myself sitting with a great friend having tea and "sharing". There are very few people that I can say that I am still willing to share my life with. Not that I am cutting individuals out but what I mean is; have real conversations with. Sharing is exhausting and it is a difficult thing to do these days. 

I am a firm believer in sharing with others; I always say this....but what I have learned is that not everyone is deserving of hearing your story. Now I know I share a lot of things on my blog that many may find too intimate, but trust me I have a whole wealth of things that I will take to my grave.... just know that what I will take with me are not just my own experiences but also the stories and testimonies others have shared with me. I am that person you can talk to without first having to say "please don't tell anyone". I value what others share with me...immensely.

I have always considered it to be an honour that someone would want to share their deepest darkest secrets with me. The way I look at it is this....every single time you share a story, a feeling or a fear with another person you have just given them a piece of you; of which can never be taken or given back. For the individuals that are trust worthy with information that is an incredible thing......however there are those out there that may seem sincere with hearing your words but as soon as you leave; your story becomes theirs to tell re-tell AND re-tell in any way they seem fit.

Sharing takes courage! But it also takes wisdom... to know who, with and what to share. We have all been burned at one point in time by another person and their ill conceived notion of what a friend is or should be. There are very few people that I can let my entire load off onto; in fact several people carry each a small load. I once made the mistake of being naive no.....stupid in that I believed another person was as genuine as myself when it came time to opening up and being vulnerable about life. (See right there is proof I am getting wise, because never again will I allow myself to do this with anyone other than my spouse) This individual tried to destroy me; tried. She also shared many details of her journey that I am certain she would not want others to know but the difference between us is this. When the toxic friendship ended she believed that I was like her in that the information I "had on her" would be shared with others, so she beat me to the punch. Although I could have caused a lot of havoc in her life I choose to remember that once information is given to me ....it stays there even when I want to be vengeful.... I can't. Even though I hate, despise, loathe this woman I will not reveal a thing about her. (although some vodka has brought me very close a few times)

I feel sorry for her as much as I hate her for what she did to me (sounds dramatic eh?) I am certain each of you reading this has been betrayed by someone at some point in your life, and maybe not by them sharing personal stuff about you but anytime another person you once had trust for crosses the security boundary it changes us...it hardens us and in some cases if we learn from it it makes us wise :) Btw there is no expiry date on information...just because you stop talking to a person for a long period of time does not mean that you can tell others what they once shared in confidence with you. So be prepared to hear and forget how to repeat. Even though relationships end that does not mean that the trust you once had for and from the other person ever ends. If you can't guarantee another person that you are unable to do so; change the conversation....

Back to the sharing aspect of relationships. Like I have said before it is important to share with others as we all benefit from hearing the journey others have taken as we learn coping strategies. I am thinking that my struggles are my testimony in life and that I am supposed to share with others so that others perhaps will not have to learn the hard way. This holds true for many experiences that I have had but the difference between sharing and confiding are huge. I think we fail to understand the difference in the two. I share with you for your benefit and you share with me because it is cathartic and because you need to lessen your load....

Confiding in another person is a really big deal. You have to really think it through before you decide to share. Once you speak the words...it is gone and unfortunately words are intangible so no going by later that night to pick them back up.... and once you have shared, a small piece of you is gone. That other person now owns a wee little bit of you. Scary thought eh? Now not everyone you share with will try to destroy you....or stalk you ...(LOL)but is that person someone you really want to know your inner self to that degree? Sometimes we know the person we are about to share with perhaps is not the best choice but we do anyway because maybe our pain level is high that day and we just need to open up and rid some pressure. I get that, but when the person you are with says " I shouldn't tell you this but " ....the light switch should go off boys and girls .....because  perhaps their next Timmie's date with another friend can and will be "I shouldn't tell you this but".

Try this the next time someone says that to you. Stop them dead in their tracks and say "no you shouldn't tell me, would you tell someone else something I have asked you not to?" Now I know that you will probably embarrass them but... you are setting the ground rules as to what type of conversation is to be had with that individual and you are also letting them now that you are not the kind of person that talks "shit" about others. We all need to do this and do it more often...easier said then done...why? We are all guilty of wanting to hear about others and their hard ships. What is that word for it? oh right GOSSIP... ha ha It is also because like I talked about yesterday we all struggle with our own self esteem and worth and because of that we need to constantly measure ourselves by measuring others. If she has dark secrets and her husband cheated on her ..it is like "phew... that is horrible...well at least that didn't happen to me so my life is better, I must be better and so I am good".... Not "oh no the poor girl I wish I could do something to help her through it". Nope, human nature is to relish in others pain and hardship...grrrr

Don't give the wrong people the right ammunition to use against you. Be wise with your judgement of others. Also be wise about you and what you are willing to give others. Telling the wrong people your genuine pain is like typing your problems onto the internet.....it will go viral.Share with others just don't give more than you can afford to lose. Be wise in what you are telling others; moreover who you are telling. ALSO be that person who hears and forgets the information. Don't break confidence; respect the commitment you made to not share. Most importantly don't listen to what others have to say after they utter "I shouldn't tell you this but...". Make people accountable; if you don't who will? Don't be afraid to share with others as  it is important to have dialogue just learn how to trust that inner voice that is telling you what and who to share with, you already know .....

Love

~Christine~