Rainy days make me smile; it forces me to feel like cleaning my house and look through old photos. Pretty much every time it rains I whip out literally 1000's of pictures and relish in the memories of what I have captured. Rainy days also cause me to feel like looking back not only through photos but on my life as well. I am 43 years old but feel like I have lived twice this so far...I am not sure if it has been the hardships or the illnesses that have aged me, but either way I feel much wiser because of it. I am not being arrogant by saying that I am wise but in comparison to where I have been in my past; I am much wiser.
Days like today I feel like preaching to a mass group of people; young people. I want to share the ropes and tales of what to do and what not to do. I feel like my mistakes and wrong turns will be forgiven in my own mind if I can reach at least one person who listens and does not take some of the paths I have taken. The pictures are wonderful reminders of great times spent with family but also serve as a point of reference as to when I started to mature and earn my grey hair and stretch marks; you know, when I became a woman.....
The times I recall when I was sick with worry and filled with stress I wonder if there would have been a different outcome had I had the ability to just stop and breathe before acting on my stressful thoughts. I know that even today I get stressed out with worry about my future and the future of my daughters but for some reason I don't let those thoughts become desperate. I simply know that things will work out; because history has taught that to me.
I truly believe that there is not one thing in this lifetime that is ever too big for any one of us; not one thing. Every thing that breaks can be fixed; even if it gets re-invented into something else... Wisdom is one the greatest powers an individual can acquire. I am not quite where I want to be in the "wisdom" department as of yet....but feel that I am well on my way. How can I tell? Well.... I don't do the same things I once did and I hesitate before I leap. I am no longer blind to the realities of what others can and WILL do to you and against you. I also no longer leap to help others, I have established the 24 hour rule into my life. I simply wait and see how I feel after a full day before any major decision is made in my life or that of anothers.
My little dog Sara and I curled up on the couch today in my blankie. I know my dog is wise. She is 14 and has the patience and grace of an elderly woman. She never gets too excited and never ever forgets to acknowledge someone who comes in the door. She knows when I am not well as she never leaves my side despite her own ailments. She is blind in one eye and can barely do stairs and yet she runs them up and down to be able to just stand beside me in support. She has never growled at or bitten any one or anything. She has taken a lot of lumps graciously.....I know she is a wise old dog and I envy where she is. I only wish for one day she could speak. The conversation would only be about wisdom as I believe she is a capsule full of it.
Things are looking up as I am starting to feel a bit better, I even went to church yesterday and did the lap of testimony that I threatened everyone with ! hahah I did it. I walked around the entire church during praise /choir time so that everyone could see that I was out of the hospital and well....not dead. lol
Funny thing is...while I was in church yesterday I thought maybe I was being spoken to directly; as everything I seem to be facing was of topic. I felt redeemed of my stress and worry and was reminded that I have wisdom, and it is true I already know what to do but I guess somehow it was good to have that confirmation. I am a woman that can be asked advice from, for many different aspects of life. I guess my struggles are my testimonies. The difficulties broke me so that I could repair to me; now. "sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together". God's honest truth. My weaknesses are my strengths especially if I am able to share them with others in the attempt to change someone else's life. We are never ever meant to go through life on our own...we must always have a support system always.....especially a wise older person on our side.
Btw just because a person is old does not make them wise.... so I guess you can be wise at any age it just depends on what you have experienced and how you have learned from it. Wisdom is being able to share those lessons in a way that serves a purpose to another human being , not just a regurgitation of a story with no good resolve. So maybe just maybe I am wise?? Hoot Hoot ...lol
Love
~Christine~
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