Raising children in today’s day and age seems like a difficult task, and I would agree….so try three girls! I am currently raising three teenage daughters. My oldest is almost 18, my middle daughter is 16 and my youngest daughter is almost 15. Amongst all the distractions that kids have from growing up innocently…. like coarse rap music, sexting on cell phones, web cams, you tube, computers and all the addictive programming that goes with it, I wonder if they get it, the fact that they are women in training… I worry about the images that women today portray to young girls, as not only sex objects but as power houses that don’t need men in their lives to balance them.
I struggle with the whole sex issue….hugely struggle with it. Sexuality just doesn’t seem like a big deal to these kids, not just my kids, but a lot of kids. We hear the statistics of children as young as the 7th and 8th grade being sexually active….. the ramifications of this will be huge later on, as they are not concerned about their promiscuity let alone the impact it will have on them as women later.
Are we over sexualizing our daughters? The clothing choices, the hair colouring, the makeup….I worry about it. I have always wanted my girls to feel good about themselves (both physically and emotionally) so I myself have conceded and allowed the makeup, the hair colouring, the nails and tanning. I believed that I was creating women that were classy and by showing them the importance of good appearances… I sometimes look at young girls and wonder who and the hell ever told them that showing their thong strings or their bra straps was attractive in any way. Cleavages? My God, walk by a group of teenage girls, and you will have the sudden urge to want to nurse!
And to hear women say, “oh they will just get the clothing from a friend"……I say to hell with it, if you don’t want your daughter wearing something, you don’t buy it, if she brings it home you throw it out! Or better yet …..you don’t let her leave the house …. At the end of the day she is YOUR responsibility, oh and so will her cute little baby be!
I was recently in a vehicle with young kids, 7-10 age range, radio was on and I was joyfully driving along when “I kissed a girl” came on the radio, truthfully I was mortified that they knew the song well enough to sing along. Really? You kissed a girl just to try it? “Hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” All I kept thinking was how could they sing along to a song that they don’t even know the meaning of? But wait do they know? Am I just that old? NO!!! I am not, it’s called change the station and no one gets hurt! My god, my daughters weren’t even allowed to watch the Simpsons until high school.. laugh I don’t care, it’s true. How do you compete with all the negative influences that surround our kids?
I am now 40, and in the official “Cougars Club”, which means I am old and want to look and feel young. I want to be sexy and seen as a sex object and not just as a mom/wife/housekeeper….. so am I sending the wrong message to my girls by wanting to look good? I worry about this… This is how I feel , I have done my part, went through the years of no makeup, fat, thin, pregnant, nursing, fat , thin and overlooked (sexually) due to exhaustion from keeping up my home and rearing three kids all within a year of each other…….And I am now taking care of me! I have earned that time! I am 40 and ready to worry about me and how I feel. I am sexy because I have earned my beautiful body, stretch marks, saggy boobs and all. It is an appropriate age to want to be sexy again for ourselves and our partners. But even this must be done in balance, what I say or do will influence them. I look at my behaviour as a direct teaching to them. I am accountable to them. Sexuality is a powerful tool, and should not be misinterpreted as an everyday way of living. Otherwise our daughters learn that sleeping with men and using their bodies rather than their abilities is acceptable.
There is a fine line between classy and slutty. I want my daughters to feel comfortable with their beautiful bodies, and not be afraid to dress up, however I don’t want them to mix beauty with sexuality. Believe me it is very difficult to go anywhere and not notice the boys and MEN for that matter salivate as my girls walk by. Are they being looked at for their beauty or as “pieces of meat”? I always tell them in real words about boys and what they want, as I was once a teenager,
(yup I was once young girls, I was not born an adult!)
In high school there are girls that are a beautiful and sexy, and classy…or “high maintenance”…. Guys want to date them! The girls that show their thongs, cleavage, and their smut mouths……truth is these are the girls that are wanted for sex, and will never be the ones out on dates trying to be wooed over. TRUST ME!! It sounds harsh to tell them this but its true, and that doesn’t change after high school, it just gets harder to get out of those types of relationships later.
The truth is I need a stiff one…ok no pun intended. I mean hard liquor; the very topic of sex and my daughters is enough to make my blood boil. Some days I wish they were mutt ugly, fat, hairy lipped and mute….ok I am kidding! I am happy they are beautiful girls; I am admitting it is very difficult to see them as sexual persons. I am just not ready for that, not for another 10 years.
In hind sight it may have been easier to buy three cages and lock them all up! But…since that would be against the law…the shot gun and shovel at my front door serve as a reminder to the boys that come to pick up my daughters…..touch them, be shot and buried …end of story.
Trying to find a balance in what seems to be an over sexualized society is difficult even for me. I feel the pressures of needing to be sexy, beautiful and viable at 40! I can’t begin to imagine the pressure my teenage daughters feel. Every rap /pop song on the radio is about sex in some way shape or form. Sexuality is so glamourized…the whole sex all night long, HAH!!! I laugh at how these rappers portray sex to these young kids, go to the club dance your ass off go back to the crib have sex over and over again……seriously AS IF! There is something to be said about how things used to be…my ideal. Men and women are different; I liked the simplicity of a woman’s life decades ago, prim and proper…lady like. But how she was in the bedroom a different story, and a story you never heard about! Her secret sexual behaviours were left to others imagination. Now things are different, very different! I myself am guilty of joking around about sex, hell I may be the poster child for contradiction here, but I think there is a difference between a 40 year old woman talking about sex and let’s say a 16 year old girl!
I am all about having a healthy sex life, but fear we are teaching our daughters the wrong message about sexuality, and its importance in self discovery. At a time when my girls are trying to figure out what they want out of their lives, should sex or thoughts of sexuality even be a consideration? The pressure is real for them, and I am not sure where exactly it comes from, but I am certain that the images portrayed in music videos, movies and by older women serve to only confuse them. Should they be taken seriously for their abilities as a woman or should they be looked at as the next kill by some guy? And am I or you ok with that?
Standing our ground as women here is a must, our daughters need a clear consistent message….sexuality is important …...when you are mature enough to understand it and control it. Sexuality is perfected once we are comfortable with ourselves as adult women. Have that courageous conversation with your daughter; tell them the truth about sex and men. Give them the knowledge they need to deal with men and how to deal with the advances that come their way. Real conversations help. They do. I have had the conversations with my girls that have made me walk away and cry, I just can’t believe what they already know and don’t know. The key is to communicate and communicate and communicate. You have to be in their faces all the time! Otherwise the messages they get are from someone else! Our daughters deserve to have real life discussions from the most powerful woman they know…….
THEIR MOTHERS!
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