Dysfunctionally Functional…….

Dysfunctionally Functional…….

Of course since I moved back to Tecumseh my mission has been to reconnect with “long lost” friends and family. I was invited to lunch; where I would reminisce with 2 girls that I hung with in High School. After a trip for a hair dye and new attire I was confident and ready to rehash the last 20 years of my “absence”. One girl in particular was always quite well off and exposed to finer things in life, a bit of a snot actually! lol  As we sat and listened to her boast of her children’s abilities to speak other languages and their incredible athletic abilities I felt ashamed of the thoughts mustering in my mind about my own children. I felt uneasy about my relationship with my daughters, I happen to notice friend #2 seemed uneasy as well.

I know that at every opportunity it is expected that we are to brag, boast, indulge and exaggerate our children’s greatness. It is deep in all of us; I believe, that is mostly out of fear that our children and their “failures” are due largely because of us. Then we sit in judgment to everyone who is privy to our kids “fuck ups”.

Ingesting my over priced shitty tasting weed salad, I found myself thinking of my daughters and what they have done in their short lives. Ashley my oldest daughter in particular became the focus of my thoughts. I was carefully manicuring my thoughts and the way I would deliver her story in the greatest fashion to my snotty friends. Ashley is 17 and is beautiful; she is confident, intelligent, well traveled and …..She and I fight like cats and dogs! I was about to reveal to my friends that Ashley has toured Europe several times and was thinking of applying to a University in France, when all of a sudden the unthinkable in proper parental bragging sessions I slid out “My oldest daughter hates me!”

It came out fast and quick like a snake bite! I tried to stop speaking but my lips betrayed me! I couldn’t even stop there, I went on to say, “she acts like a bitch, she argues with me all the time, she thinks she knows everything and get this; she is embarrassed of me! Sometimes she tells me to drop her off at school where there are no other kids around. When her friends come over she quickly escapes to the Bat Cave to avoid having to see, hear or smell me!’

Reminiscing/ Therapy session? I mustered the courage to look up after I purged my unsettling confessions of the teenage drama; I made eye contact with Snot #1. Her response “I don’t have those issues with my kids”. All I could think is, why and the fudge did I say that? Snot #2 ….drum roll….. “Oh Christine” my daughter is exactly the same way! Eureka! Woot Hoot! A confession from the land of I get to look pretty all day, not work and have my husband slave his balls away at work while I shop for unnecessary expensive shit that I buy to make people I went to high school with feel inadequate when I run into them shit! (Sorry a rant, had to) Anyways, Snot #1 suddenly felt like the odd one out.

For the next 2 hours & after several cold Coors Light, not martinis or wine; she and I sat and talked about our daughters and the dynamics of our relationships. I realized that she had been feeling “abnormal” about the relationship she was in fact having with her own daughter in the same way I felt about Ashley and I . Great comfort came from being honest. Don’t get me wrong I did get a chance to brag, boast and exaggerate about my girls but it felt good to be “normal”.

My relationship with Ashley is what it is; she challenges me and my opinions, thinks I am too silly sometimes, and even thinks that I am old and that I embarrass her. In the end that is why I fricken love that kid, she challenges my opinions because she is intelligent enough to have formed her own. I do act too silly sometimes; in fact I embarrass my self everyday! That is who I have always been and will always be; A HAM! Embarrass her in front of her friends; absolutely! It is my form of taking revenge on my kids. Why scold them for bad behaviour or for giving too much lip, just wait until they have their friends over , throw on some 80’s music and do a moon walk into the room where they are hanging with friends, yell WASSSSS UP and mission complete.

In the end I connected with 2 people I hadn’t seen in years and what did I get out of it? The fuel to go home, love Ashley even more and I promised myself to continue to have the relationship I have with her, exactly the way it is, dysfunctionally functional!

I have not gotten back together with Ms. “High Horse”, but I have crawled home a few times with “Not snot #2 anymore”, but my new old friend.  

Oh and don't be fooled by the Picture of Sweet Ashley I photo shopped her fangs, horns and evil claws off!