Uprooted!!!!!!

19 years ago I married Patrick; in 1991 he completed Teachers College and accepted a position with a School Board outside of our community. As newlyweds we moved away. Part of our “agreement” was that one day we would return “home”….. It never happened, so…. in January of this year I decided to uproot my children and march right back to my home town; Tecumseh. Needing to feel connections to family and friends and re-establish myself through the bonds that tied me while I was young, I just did it.

I never considered that my children would object in any way; really, I just assumed that “my” hometown was theirs. My need to “leave a mark” or “create or revisit” memories of my past would be the perfect venue for not only me but, for them as well. I am happiest when I return home, as I cross the county line I feel free, I can breathe and when I am here (Tecumseh) I feel like the possibilities in my own life are endless. I have completeness about myself. The realities of my health and my prognosis have forced me to live exactly how I want and need to, and right now I just need and want to be home.

The girls were very angry with me about leaving. Yes, they were excited about being closer to family, but they have school, friends, BOYFRIENDS (uggg), their own established connections and bonds to their “home” that they had to give up while making this move. While I was packing one night I over heard my youngest daughter crying in her room; I approached her and tried to comfort her. Samantha expressed how happy she was for me that I would be going home. She understood my need to be closer to what I knew. I was pleased to hear her say that to me. I then asked her why she was crying; “Because I am leaving MY home, where I grew up, MY stomping grounds Mom.” I left her room with out saying a word, I couldn’t, and I had nothing to say. She was right…………….

I felt guilty. I felt selfish. Every time I heard a door slam or heard one of the girls complain about being in our new home; an overwhelming feeling came over me and I started to second guess my decision. I wanted to tell them that I know I was a bitch for uprooting them. But, for some reason or another I couldn’t bring myself to reveal my feelings. Instead I smiled and told them things will be fine.

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2 months have passed and things ARE fine. The girls are adjusting and have made new friends; thank God for facebook and msn, LOL! I am happy; the happiest I have been in 19 years! The doors are no longer slamming, the eye rolling has ceased, they too are happy. The contentment is from us, we have created a fresh start and a new beginning here. The girls are excited to start school, MY High School; and now…. theirs.

The truth in the matter is; my daughters love me, I see it, I feel it! The greatest gift that I have ever received is this; I am home and my children are happy. When they leave the house to go out with their “new” friends, I hear them yell out “bye Mom, be home later!” I close my eyes, smile, and think yes, home.