I got to see it....

It just occurred to me that I got to see my eldest daughter go to her grade 12 prom...

I have been so busy with everything happening in my life as well as the hustle and bustle of getting my daughter ready for prom, that I hadn’t taken the time to digest this event. This year is Ashley’s graduating year, and her prom. Ashley also turned 18 years of age last week, and in a blink of an eye became an adult. Like I said I have just been so busy that I didn’t realize exactly what was happening. We at times get so caught up in living that sometimes what we are living for is lost in us trying to live for something....

Recently she accepted an offer to The University of Windsor and in doing so was also awarded a scholarship for academic achievement. Yesterday I drove her back to the city from which I moved her last year so that she could celebrate prom with all the kids she grew up with. It was not until I arrived back home that I realized that everything I have been afraid of missing out on, was here, actually here in my life to witness, love, cherish and relish in. I have been so scared that I will die that I focus on what I am not going to be here to see, and yet today I realized I AM HERE! I have gotten so lost in fighting to find a treatment that will allow me to be around when my children grow up, that I almost missed the joy in which I have right here and now. My oldest daughter turning 18, university acceptance, prom...... is over whelming for me. Huge milestones in her life and I almost didn’t allow myself to stop and be grateful for this opportunity. I am mean seriously how could I not have been focused at all on this?

I laughed at myself when I got home because I should have stood there in front of her and said so many things....or just one thing (I am glad I am here)... perhaps it was a good thing for me to not get all emotional as to not remind her of me and my illness. But still I want to drive back to the beginning of my day and stop, breath and fill myself with gratitude, and comfort knowing I just did what I never thought I would. That is to be a part of the huge memory making celebratory milestones in their lives. It is such a cliché to say time flies; we all say it like no one has ever heard it before or like somehow you are so profound..... Time flies it is true! It WAS yesterday that I was holding her, and I feel like somehow today I am just holding on to her. Ok one more time, I was here to see this! My heart is busting at the seams with an over load of wonderful emotions. I am grateful, appreciative and blessed to be here and witnessing all of these incredible moments!

~Christine~ 

I am such a proud Mother!