What if...

Life was good. You had a successful career. Wonderful marriage. Great kids. Your Health. A beautiful home. Supportive friends and family....

What if one of those elements changed? What if someone or something pulled the carpet out from under you? How would you land? Back on your feet? What about all the other facets of your life and would it affect everything? The complete package of what a successful life can imply is that we should be able to deal with one area of our life being affected, however what if it all breaks down together? A simple change in one’s life can and will have an incredible effect on other aspects of it. When crisis hits, the realizations of what your life has been built on can come into question. What ifs and regrets are hard to ignore. The fact that hind sight is 20/20, is painful. The truth of what you have created in your life up until the crisis hit determines whether your ‘home’ was built with a solid foundation or out of a deck of cards. One only truly knows this after they are forced to see it, feel it and live through it.

When things run smoothly in life we ride over the bumps and cracks and crevices, we may see them but we ignore them. Until life falls apart and we face things on our own, do we then see the magnitude of our ignorance. Taking life for granted is an unbelievable mistake made by the best of us. I am not talking the pure and utter enjoyment of life (that we sometimes lose sight of). I am talking about the small problems in life that we take for granted. Very few of us will take the precautions to protect ourselves in the event of a crisis. Why would we? Everyone says live, laugh love...live each day to the fullest, live like you are dying...stop and take time to smell the roses..............

Bumps, cracks and crevices are things like; a small resentment that perhaps exists between you and your partner, a child that has attitude and talks back, no savings, big mortgage, extended family issues, you know all the small issues we avoid talking about or taking on when life is good.... we down play the issues in our life so that we can justify not solving them. Could be because the issue is unfixable or we are just too caught up in ourselves to take the time to face our problems head on. We compartmentalize our issues, and not deal with them until we have to. The child with attitude, you knew he/she was coughing attitude , so you ignore it and say, “that’s normal, they are a teenager” until that child tells you to go...and what to do when you get there. Then you wonder what the hell happened? Well that attitude was a crevice you smoothly drove over and ignored while life was good...Or a huge problem may arise with a family member and it was a simple issue, and yet it turns out to be years of built of disappoints that in the end have turned into bitterness because we failed to talk about the small stuff that we should have...

The truths about the cracks and crevices in our lives are revealed to us when dealing with a crisis. Take financial matters for example, actual # 1 cause of divorce.....before infidelity!(wow) Yup hurting for money can cause extreme frustration, anger and resentment. Suddenly it becomes a point the finger game.....you bought this and you did that. If each person accepted their roles and owned their mistakes, there probably would be no divorce.

We all have supporters and family that love us. We invest in relationships with people that make us laugh and feel good about ourselves. Having said this, what if those people are only with you because things are good and when you are together it is usually a positive experience? When a crisis hits you and your family are those same people there to hold you while you cry, or offer support to you? What happens if they are not? Many friends and family will always have your back, but what happens when they back out of your life? Human nature cannot dictate what others do but it can be a reality for many of us to experience this type of rejection. When you are alone and facing extreme issues it can expose the ones around you for what and who they really are. It is disheartening to think this could happen but there are just some people who have never learned how to deal with problems in their own lives and so they do not have a true concept on how to help you. It may not reflect you in any way or that somehow you were not worthy of their help, it just simply could be that they themselves ignore all the bumps and cracks and crevices in their own lives. Where does that leave you?

Life is complicated and to think that all aspects of our lives are not connected in some way shape or form is unreasonable. Of course when you fail or have the carpet ripped out from underneath you everything is affected. Relationships with your partner, children, family and friends gets strained, crisis’s expose all of our shit and sometimes at the same time. It’s like being in the ring with many opponents all ready to fight you at the same time. Which one do you take on first or do you just let all of them come at you at once? I don’t have an answer for that as I feel like the sole defender in my corner most days. But, I am willing to deal with each anyway they come at me. Win lose or draw I am up to a good fight. I have had many life altering situations happen to me at the same time. Some of which should have been avoidable, but like many of us I got in my life vehicle did up my seat belt of denial, and rode the bumps the cracks and crevices while ignoring many of the issues that I should have faced head on. Call it ignorance, denial or survival; I did many things the hard way. I am a stubborn hard headed, strong woman and believe I can conquer life and all the bullshit it throws my way. I do fall and unfortunately I fall hard, but I always get back up. Not unscathed but I do get back up. Most times I learn from my mistakes and sometimes I don’t. Yes I pay, but it is the price I am willing to pay. I am 40 years old and in many ways I am just starting my life for the first time. I am restarting without many of the bare necessities, and without all the resources I need to succeed. Even though I say this, I am excited about my life and where my journey will take me.

Do I wish life was easier HELL YA!!! But right now it’s not. Along the way of dealing with whatever the outcomes have been it has been worth it. My relationships are sweeter, as I am facing each of them with a new perspective...which I have had to do. It’s life. Having to start all over again in many ways has been a great blessing to me and my family. No taking anything for granted. I now do not hide from what needs to be dealt with. I avoid the situations where I know I will the lose the fight, that is to say I evaluate before I commit and hold back on the comments I know will be wasted or not understood. I recognize that others are not where I need them to be and chose to not try and change them, because in the end I will be the one that loses. No expectations for what they are not capable of giving equals no emptiness for me. I am truly excited for what lies ahead. I have a second chance to redo everything and will be successful at repositioning my life and the lives around me. The new perspective that life has presented me...I embrace it. 

I have nothing to give...which in the end means I have everything to give.
~Christine~