I cannot begin my journey without making my first day of 30
have something to do with FAITH. I am Roman Catholic by way of fulfilled
sacraments. Truth is when I made my first communion I was only in grade 2 and
all I got out of that experience was a great little white dress, new shoes and
a pretend wedding veil. That was the ideal costume for my “dress rehearsals” as
I prepared myself for my future stardom. Oh yes, and the 4 dollars I got from
Meme & Pepe Levesque. Now that 4 dollars bought me a LOT of penny candy.
Did I know or appreciate the value or power of receiving The
Body of Christ? No, in all honesty I was terrified of having to eat the body of
Christ until our teacher explained that it was a “symbol” by eating bread. I kind
of enjoyed being allowed to stick my tongue out to receive the communion. I
would stand and wait my turn; mouth wide open like a baby bird and sometimes I
wiggled my tongue to see if the Priest was able to place it on my tongue. Well…
until Father Poisson told me “from now on use your hands!”…
First confession – I really had NO sins!! I lied in
confession so that I had something to confess; I guess I kind of missed the
point.
My parents forced us to go to Church on Sunday morning …up
until we were old enough to WALK to Church on our own. There was a great little
greasy spoon by the Church and every week my sister and I would stop in and
have french fries with gravy and glasses of water. We couldn't afford pop since my parents donations to the church were cheap.....About ten minutes before church was
over it was my job to run to the church and get the weekly church bulletin that
they handed you on the way out. MOM or DAD:“ What was the gospel about
girls?” “God and some guy named Jobe”……
I happened to be invited to attend a choir performance by
girl at school. That was my calling! Sing in church. I signed up and started
right away. I loved doing this. I would arrive sometimes 1-1.5 hours prior to
Mass in anticipation of shouting out my favourite tunes. Out of all of my
childhood memories this must have been the best to recall. I remember feeling
alive. Singing “Jesus” music fills you
and nurtures you….it just does. I needed that.
So some years have passed since I was young and involved
with my church and growing my relationship with God….so where did my dedication
to God go?
Well to be honest with you I think like many of us faith is
never a priority until we need to rely on it. When difficulties come our way,
we either blame God or we beg “at the last minute” for his assistance. It is
quick and easy to blame God for our troubles. Please God let me come into some
money, Please God this Please God that…OR GOD WHY ME????
I bet no body that has ever won a lottery or big ticket item
and ever looked up into the sky and yelled “why me Lord? Never ever ever.
So let me tell you about my 30th day and what I did.
I woke up at 6am to drive Samantha to her Mc Job… I then returned home and lay
in bed with coffee for about 30 minutes until I woke Pat up for work. Each
Sunday he runs a tutoring program at school…yup he even works on Sunday. I got
him up and ready and brought him to work. I flew back home to get ready for
CHURCH!!!! You see there is this man that we have known for over 25 years.
After he got married and we had gotten married distance
and time kept up apart but were reunited with him in June of 2004
when I had my first fight with cancer. Pat ran into Greg in the hallway at the
Hospital. His beautiful wife Patricia was in the same boat as me……Over the years it seems that whenever I was in the hospital
or she was……. or in fact; anyone of our family members were in the hospital
Greg was there. Patricia passed away just over 5 years ago. I attended her
funeral. All that I can tell you is that I was moved, shaken, and bewildered by
her faith and by the celebration of her life. It was the greatest funeral I have
ever attended! Straight from the movies! Ever been to a Baptist Church……………When
I left that church I wanted to collect everyone’s business card to hire them
for my own funeral. In fact it was so good; I want to have my funeral BEFORE I die
just to be a witness to this incredible celebration.
Needless to say not too long ago I was once again in the
hospital and low and behold GREG……… there must be a reason that God keeps
putting him on my path; especially when I am weak. On Valentine’s Day I shared
coffee with him, after an incredibly honest and spiritually meaningful
conversation he invited me to attend church with him this Sunday. (today)
~Click the link below~
I went to church today and was SCHOOLED in Jesus Christ…. There
was singing and dancing and tambourines, the most beautiful choir..oh boy I
started to cry with the first muscle twitch in my leg… how and the hell (heck
sorry) can you NOT be moved? I went up to that altar and gave myself to the
LORD… I asked him to take my pain and suffering away. I know that there is
nothing, and nobody on this planet that could fill me with more joy than I
experienced today.
I have to admit that I was so excited that I videotaped the
whole mass, from inside my purse! So the video is black otherwise I would post
it for you. It was just that good.
I do have FAITH, I pray every night before bed and I don’t always
ask for stuff…. I am also thankful for all the blessings in my life even the
itty bitty little ones.
I will be honest I did lose my faith for a long time. I was
kind of pissed off at the big guy for a while. At one point in my life, ONLY…
once; I stood knee high in ice cold water wanting to end my life and screamed “why
have YOU…forsaken ME?” I then told him a few choice words….. I never ended my
life that night. I also never thought about taking my life ever again. He took on
my hatred and all my nasty words to him and still loved me enough to save me
from my own demise.
Faith, hope, belief, God, Jesus Christ, the holy ghost…..it
is all real. Who doesn’t believe in Heaven? We say it all the time, we read it
, we see it…and yet I wonder how many of us truly try to reach the goal of
becoming Heaven Worthy? Going to church every single Sunday will NOT get you
into heaven. Being a church or a vessel of God will. We are our own divine
beings that have the ability to spread his message and love and hope by
delivering his gospel through our actions and our words each and every single
day of our lives. So ask me if I believe sitting quietly in church for 1 hour listening
to a boring as hell man tell me verbatim what the bible says is going to give
me the right to spend all eternity with my soul mate and my family………I don’t think
so.
Being where I was today and witnessing the testimony of that
congregation made me feel like I had God’s hand on me. The blanket of warmth that
I needed was placed upon me. I reconfirmed my need for Jesus Christ in my life,
especially since I am preparing to potentially meet my maker.
I am NOT healed because I went to church today and had an
eye opener. I had my heart opened and now it is up to me to continue to allow
that faith, and belief to grow so that I can have spiritual contentment.
I have A LOT of stuff that I question and sometimes I doubt the
abilities of God. Thee idea of allowing some of the things that
happen here on earth……..hell I question why he hasn’t just used his Dyson vacuum
cleaner to reach down and suck all the shit up… There is no rhyme or reason and I just bow my
head and know that God does not give us too much to handle…..he gives us the
strength to get through what has been dealt to us.
Day 30 is about to end. I am entering this post then hopping
into bed! I am totally exhausted and in a lot of pain tonight. I am thankful that
I was able today to reflect on what I need to get through my next 30 days of
challenges. God is good and we don’t say that enough.
~Christine~
Btw- The Church is still standing….And no.... the roof did not
collapse.
Please take the time to share my blog. Leave comments. ~Christine~
Beautiful!!!
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