My Blankie….

1,783 flowers or is 1,785, shit I am going to have to go back and recount….but don’t worry I will have plenty of time after my surgery to lay on my bed for endless hours being bored to death…(oh no, not death by boredom!) . You have no idea how many times I have counted  and recounted the number of flowers on this thing......lol I have a blankie; it is a magic one. It heals me; no seriously it has magical powers. 

In 2004 while in the hospital dealing with my first round of cancer my daughters brought me a twin size flat sheet, the material is the same as a t-shirt /jersey material . The colour is a beautiful blue and it is decorated with all different types of flowers and colours. The girls thought that I needed my very own security blanket. I had often told my children the story of how I had a beautiful blue blanket when I was a little girl. The edges of it had a silk strip; which I rubbed every single night until I fell asleep. Eventually I only had the silk strip in a bundle. Now …I carried that thing every here I went, until the evil monster (Marg Berry) took it away from me and threw it in the garbage. The reason she “the monster” threw it out was because I was “too old” for a security blanket. BTW, you are NEVER too old….

Well now that I recalled that I am going to have to put another $1.00 in the mother therapy jar.

As I am writing this….. despite the fact that I had an idea or theme to my blankie story I am having a flash back about the day  I actually lost my blankie . So I have to divert for a second or two and share what happened. It is too painful of an event to not tell you… Most mornings one of my favourite Aunts (Auntie Mert) used to go to Miracle Mart for tea; in fact she must have gone so much that we used to refer to her as Miracle Mert . On the morning that mom and I were going to meet up with her for what was an absolutely fantastic treat for me as Aunt Mert would always order me a green jello,…. while I was getting my boots on…..(deep breath) that is when the “evil monster” threatened to throw it out, and actually used the leverage of not meeting with Aunt Mert for jello……..

I recall sitting in the booth with the two of them while they drank their morning tea/coffee and I scarfed down my jello and thinking that maybe I could walk home and steal my blankie out of the garbage. I felt sick in my tummy and wanted so badly to go home and retrieve it. Once we came back home I immediately ran into the house and went “dumpster diving” to find her. She was not in any of the garbages in our home. The monster must have taken it with her and thrown out under my eyes….

The anger and frustration just brewed in me…( I was 5 btw)..  the day got even worse! My oldest sister came home from school, I was beside myself excited as I knew she would be on my side and help me convince my mother to give me back my blanket! BUT…. Peggy turned on me; she agreed with my mother and would not help me! I remember feeling so desperate and angry that I began to shout at my mother. No one tried to console me so I told my mother off! Yup at 5 years old I began to name call. I yelled “YOU ARE FAT!!!” oh boy I was in for it. Not only did I get spanked …… I decided to tell mom and Peggy that I didn’t want to live there anymore.  Next thing I knew I was on the God Damn porch in the back yard with a bag full of clothes. Mom handed me an apple in case I got hungry on the way to finding a new house to live in… 

Crying, screaming oh I was a mess! How could they throw me out? I just wanted to have my blanket, and if calling her FAT and saying I wanted to live somewhere else is what came out of my little mouth….they deserved it.

 

Eventually mom let me back in the house, even though I didn’t want to come back in. Soon after that traumatic experience my father arrived home from work. FINALLY!!!! A huge supporter  of mine; I knew my good ole dad would want me to have my blankie. Into his arms I jumped, I laid my little head on his shoulders and cried. He comforted me and I knew that he would make my mother give it back to me.  I cried so hard, you know the kind where your breathing causes you to gasp while your head shakes…. Snot running down your nose and wraps around your throat like a scarf…….

Then for the third time that day I was betrayed, instead of telling my dad that SHE (yup dad I called her she and not mother lol) threw my blanket out……..”FRED, Chrissy called me Fat and said she didn’t want to live here anymore”..  oh boy I should have just  f…. ing ran away when I had the chance……………………

BACK TO MY ORIGINAL STORY before I start plotting my revenge against them.

Ok $2.00 in the mother therapy jar today….

Anyways….I made sure that each of my girls had their very own “blankie” to love and I allowed them to keep it until they didn’t want or need it any longer. Knowing my horrific story of losing the much loved  security blanket they decided that I needed one and that is how I ended up getting mine….  It is one of my most treasured items. I bring my blankie to every single Doctors appointment, long drives, mother therapy sessions, I sleep with it (no I do not share it) Because of its material it folds up very nicely and conveniently fits in my medical bag for easy transport. Oh did I mention that every time I have blood taken I wrap it around my arm first and voila; no issues with my horrible veins…

I believe with all my heart that my blanket has healing powers…ok laugh if you will but every time I wrap up in I feel better. No matter how much pain I am in or how depressed I get it always heals me.The warmth and comfort that comes from this is second to none. It is a warm hug, it is the blanket that covers me and protects me from harm’s way. An amazing fact, this almost 10 year old blanket has never faded. Several washes over the years and yet it is still as bright and beautiful as the day I got it. Perhaps the feeling I have while wrapped in it is why we refer to blankies as “security blankets”….. I also believe that while I am wrapped in it, I can feel my girls holding me, the warmth and comfort I feel from the fabric is just their love and support transported.

I love my blanket! You really don’t know how much I love my blanket…it is ridiculous. I am 43 years old and literally bring this blankie everywhere. I have the damn thing on my shoulder right now as I am typing. I wish there was a blankie song because I would play it on the radio and slow dance with her. 

Thank you Ashley, Melissa and Samantha for righting the wrong of my mother…. (lol) Such a silly post today, but no one will ever know how much I love this blanket. I never share it….and never will. 

Btw- Dear Mom, I forgive you.

~Christine~